Mrs Greasy - whose first name is not known by the others - runs the cafe just round the corner from Des and Mick's houses. She is the worst cook in the world, but is completely oblivious to this fact and cannot understand why she never has any customers.
Only the regular gang ever turn up to her cafe, not to eat, but to hold their meetings, although Mrs G does not waste the opportunity to serve them some revolting food.
She married Mr Greasy in 1964 after she told him she could cook. He believed her - the fool! In the years after they moved to Ipswich, Taunton, Oxford, Hull, Birmingham, Shrewsbury, Nottingham and Plymouth, as word of Mrs Greasy's astounding cookery skills spread. She lost Mr Greasy somewhere along the way (she cannot remember exactly where).
Mrs Greasy is the number one fan of the Village People.
Date/place of birth: 22 May 1943, Burnley, Lancashire
Occupation: cafe proprieter
Married: Mr Greasy, 11 April 1964
Favourite programme: Can't Cook Won't Cook
Favourite celebrity: Ainsley Harriott
Favourite pop group: Village People
Favourite product: her own cooking
Favourite saying: "Lunchtime!"