var vol = new Array(); var wordy = new Array(); var yearer = new Array(); var monther = new Array(); vol[11] = "Around the UK with Des and Mick"; vol[12] = "Des and Mick are Bored"; vol[13] = "Des and Mick Visit the TV studio *"; vol[14] = "Des and Mick Move House"; vol[15] = "Des and Mick FM"; vol[16] = "Des and Mick and Des's Pet Slug"; vol[17] = "Des Gets Sucked Up By Mick's Hoover"; vol[18] = "Aunty Phyllis Wednesday Comes to Visit"; vol[19] = "Des and Mick Appear on a Game Show"; vol[21] = "A Miscellaneous Des and Mick Story in Which Several Things Happen"; vol[22] = "Des and Mick Go on Holiday"; vol[23] = "Des and Mick Visit a Foreign Country *"; vol[24] = "Des and Mick Destroy It Themselves (With Help From Clive)"; vol[25] = "Des and Mick's Chocolate Biscuit Shop"; vol[26] = "Des and Mick Attempt to Solve a Crime"; vol[27] = "Des and Mick's Garden Party"; vol[28] = "Des Stands for Parliament"; vol[29] = "Mick's Surprise Birthday Party"; vol[31] = "Des and Mick's Fundraising Event"; vol[32] = "Des Buys a Computer"; vol[33] = "Spooky Goings On with Des and Mick"; vol[34] = "Des Makes a Film"; vol[35] = "Des Becomes an International Superstar (Well Not Quite)"; vol[36] = "Des and Mick Go to a Cookery Class and then Enjoy a Bad Weather Night"; vol[37] = "Des Gets Accused of Murder *"; vol[38] = "Des and Mick Go Trainspotting and then Look for the Loch Ness Monster"; vol[39] = "Christmas with Des and Mick"; vol[41] = "Des Redevelops His Garden"; vol[42] = "The Village Idiot Comes to Visit Des and Mick *"; vol[43] = "Des Dies"; vol[44] = "Des and Mick in the Snow"; vol[45] = "Desmond Hood and His Merry Men"; vol[46] = "Des and Mick Move House Again and then Des Plays a Joke on Mick"; vol[47] = "Des and Mick Get Trapped in the Bank of England"; vol[48] = "Des Becomes a Magician"; vol[49] = "Des and Mick's M25 Race"; vol[51] = "Farmer Files Holds an Open Day"; vol[52] = "Des Gets Fit"; vol[53] = "Des Takes the Television Apart"; vol[54] = "Des Employs a Housekeeper"; vol[55] = "Mick's Long-Lost Nephew Comes to Visit"; vol[56] = "Des and Mick Organise the Tolworth Fete"; vol[57] = "Des and the Chocolate Biscuit Competition"; vol[58] = "Des and Mick Stand In For Mrs Greasy"; vol[59] = "The Des and Mick Roadshow"; vol[61] = "Des Joins the Police Force"; vol[62] = "The Slug Chapter"; vol[63] = "Des Teaches Mick to Drive"; vol[64] = "A New Concept in Des and Mick Stories/Des and Mick Attempt to Walk from Land End to John O'Groats"; vol[65] = "The Des and Mick News"; vol[66] = "Des and Mick Investigate Corn Circles"; vol[67] = "Des Becomes a Teacher"; vol[68] = "Des and Mick Go on a Cruise"; vol[69] = "Challenge Des and Mick *"; vol[71] = "Des Goes Green"; vol[72] = "Des and Mick Go to an Auction"; vol[73] = "Des and Mick Go to the Seaside"; vol[74] = "A Voyage to Who Knows Where"; vol[75] = "Des's Big Role"; vol[76] = "Phyllis Moves In"; vol[77] = "The Search for Mr Greasy"; vol[78] = "A Trip to London"; vol[79] = "Phyllis Gets Married"; vol[81] = "The Train Strike"; vol[82] = "Des in Hospital"; vol[83] = "Des and Mick's Charity Disco"; vol[84] = "Competition for Mrs Greasy"; vol[85] = "The Haunted House"; vol[86] = "Des is Burgled"; vol[87] = "Des and Mick Go Back to Basics"; vol[88] = "Des and Mick in the Heat"; vol[89] = "The Luxury Villa in Portugal"; vol[91] = "Baked Beans, the Van and the Metal Detector"; vol[92] = "Des and Mick Put Tolworth on the Map"; vol[93] = "Des and Mick Keep Guard on the Porkers"; vol[94] = "Des's Supersonic Car"; vol[95] = "Des the Artist"; vol[96] = "Des Redecorates"; vol[97] = "The Camping Trip"; vol[98] = "The Trans-London Race"; vol[99] = "Des and Mick at Christmas"; vol[101] = "The Doug Whitehouse Enigma"; vol[102] = "Des the Poet"; vol[103] = "Des and Mick Neighbourhood Watch"; vol[104] = "The Tolworth Festival"; vol[105] = "Chocolate Biscuit Man"; vol[106] = "The Double Birthday Party"; vol[107] = "Des's Spending Spree"; vol[108] = "Des's Sleepless Night"; vol[109] = "Des and Mick's European Tour"; vol[111] = "Des and Mick's New Neighbour"; vol[112] = "Des's Old School Reunion"; vol[113] = "Des Finally Gets on the Council"; vol[114] = "The Fashion Show"; vol[115] = "Des and the Talking Teddy Bears"; vol[116] = "The Football Match"; vol[117] = "Des is Ill"; vol[118] = "The Bizarre Bet"; vol[119] = "Des's Christmas Carol"; vol[121] = "A Celebration"; vol[122] = "Lord Wednesday of Doddington"; vol[123] = "Des Gets Funky"; vol[124] = "The Statue"; vol[125] = "There's a Moose Loose Aboot the Hoose!"; vol[126] = "The Canal Boat"; vol[127] = "Des Goes on a Diet"; vol[128] = "Des is Abducted By Aliens"; vol[129] = "Des and Mick's Panto"; vol[131] = "The Chronicles of Dickie and Mike"; vol[132] = "Des Receives a Valentines Card"; vol[133] = "Des and Mick at Easter"; vol[134] = "Wayne and Mike's Pop Group"; vol[135] = "Des Sings for Eurovision"; vol[136] = "Des and Mick Go Banger Racing"; vol[137] = "The Farmer Files"; vol[138] = "The Car Boot Sale"; vol[139] = "Des and Mick Attempt to Run the London Marathon"; vol[141] = "Goodbye to Ralph"; vol[142] = "Des Moves into the Nineties"; vol[143] = "Des and Mick Go Ballooning"; vol[144] = "Elvis is a Dangerous Man"; vol[145] = "Clive's Brother Comes to Visit"; vol[146] = "Des and Mick Babysit"; vol[147] = "Des and Mick's Holiday at Home"; vol[148] = "Files Builds an Extension"; vol[149] = "Des and Mick's Seventies Revival"; vol[151] = "Des and Mick's Countryside Tours"; vol[152] = "Wayne and Clive Join the Club"; vol[153] = "Des and Mick Go Birdwatching"; vol[154] = "Des and Mick Go Caravanning"; vol[155] = "Des Sees the Future"; vol[156] = "The Docu-soap"; vol[157] = "The Chocolate Biscuit Famine"; vol[158] = "Des and Mick Go Skiing"; vol[159] = "There Really Is a Giant Gerbil on the Loose!"; vol[161] = "The Total Eclipse"; vol[162] = "Des's Comet"; vol[163] = "Men on Mars"; vol[164] = "DMTV"; vol[165] = "The Comedians"; vol[166] = "Des and Mick Go Bell Ringing"; vol[167] = "Des and Mick Go Down Under"; vol[168] = "Des Turns 50"; vol[169] = "The Millennium Party"; vol[171] = "Des and Mick 2000"; vol[172] = "The Des Wednesday Fan Club"; vol[173] = "Des and Mick Lose the Baby"; vol[174] = "The Laughing Pig"; vol[175] = "The Celebrity Bus"; vol[176] = "RoboDes"; vol[177] = "Mrs Greasy's Parrot"; vol[178] = "Wayne is Cloned"; vol[179] = "The Des and Mick Years"; vol[181] = "The Bodyguard"; vol[182] = "The Birthday Bear"; vol[183] = "Des and Mick's Summer Holiday"; vol[184] = "The Petrol Crisis"; vol[185] = "Mrs Greasy - the Best Cook in Britain?!"; vol[186] = "Des and Mick Meet the Teletubbies"; vol[187] = "Des and Mick Become Lighthouse Keepers"; vol[188] = "The Vintage Car Run"; vol[189] = "Christmas at Des's House"; vol[191] = "Des Wishes It Could Be Christmas Every Day"; vol[192] = "PIGWorld"; vol[193] = "Mrs Greasy's Lodger - Part 1"; vol[194] = "Mrs Greasy's Lodger - Part 2"; vol[195] = "The Singing Vicar"; vol[196] = "Des and Mick Celebrate St George's Day"; vol[197] = "Des and Mick's All-day Bingo"; vol[198] = "Passport to Des's House"; vol[199] = "Des and Mick Go on Holiday Again"; vol[201] = "Des and Mick Celebrate The Golden Jubilee"; vol[202] = "Des's Family Tree"; vol[203] = "Des - The Fastest Milkman in the West"; vol[204] = "Des and Mick Become Lollipop Ladies"; vol[205] = "The Panda That Wouldn't Go Away"; vol[206] = "The Fancy Dress Party"; vol[207] = "Mrs Greasy Takes Up Hypnotism"; vol[208] = "Des and Mick Sell Hot Cakes"; vol[209] = "The End of the World"; vol[211] = "Where's Des's Car?"; vol[212] = "Des Goes Deep Sea Diving But Not That Deep"; vol[213] = "PIGrail"; vol[214] = "Mike and Wayne's Antique Emporium"; vol[215] = "Disco Wars"; vol[216] = "Tony Blackburn's Jumper Emporium"; vol[217] = "White Christmas"; vol[218] = "Under Threat"; vol[219] = "Des and Clive - The Movie"; vol[221] = "PIGsoft"; vol[222] = "Des and Mick Become Funeral Directors"; vol[223] = "Mrs Greasy's Stand-In"; vol[224] = "Des and Mick's School Bus"; vol[225] = "Des and Mick Celebrate Shrove Tuesday"; vol[226] = "Mrs Greasy Makes an Advert"; vol[227] = "Weather Monkey"; vol[228] = "Des and Mick's Anti-Golf Campaign"; vol[229] = "The End of the Pier Story"; vol[231] = "Des Becomes a Car Salesman"; vol[232] = "FrankenDes's Monsters"; vol[233] = "Des is Honoured"; vol[234] = "Mrs Greasy's Gym"; vol[235] = "Des Buys a New Shed"; vol[236] = "Wayne and Mike's Old Record Emporium"; vol[237] = "Des's Visitor"; vol[238] = "Des's Ice Cream Van"; vol[239] = "Des and Mick's Aqua-Cars"; vol[241] = "Des and Mick 24"; vol[242] = "Des's Agent"; vol[243] = "Friday 13th"; vol[244] = "Disco Avoidance"; vol[245] = "The Circus"; vol[246] = "Des and Mick Become Removal Men"; vol[247] = "Pig Aid"; vol[248] = "Des Plays Santa"; vol[249] = "Des Buys the Millennium Dome"; vol[251] = "The Mouse and Trousers"; vol[252] = "Greasy TV"; vol[253] = "Des and Mick Fix the Church Roof"; vol[254] = "Helicopter Hilarity"; vol[255] = "Dustman Des and the Lost Womble"; vol[256] = "Des and Mick Meet Sean Connery"; vol[257] = "Piggy Heights"; vol[258] = "Takeover!"; vol[259] = "It's Christmas Again"; vol[261] = "Pirate TV"; vol[262] = "Mrs Greasy Goes Alfresco"; vol[263] = "PI6"; vol[264] = "Des Becomes a Careers Officer"; vol[265] = "Des and Mick Go Kicking Crazy"; vol[266] = "The Tolworth International Air Guitar Championships"; vol[267] = "Des and Mick Go Game Show Crazy"; vol[268] = "The Medford Maniac"; vol[269] = "Des and Mick Get Snowed in for Christmas"; vol[271] = "Eldorado"; vol[272] = "Meals on Wheels"; vol[273] = "Big Farmer"; vol[274] = "Whatever Happened to Clive?"; vol[275] = "Des and Mick Meet Jamie Oliver"; vol[276] = "Des's Legacy"; vol[277] = "Des and Mick's Anti-Jazz Campaign"; vol[278] = "Snarkbucket"; vol[279] = "Des and Mick Go Cross-Country Running"; vol[281] = "Satnav Shenanigans"; vol[282] = "The Last of the McGreasys"; vol[283] = "The Fiat 126 Owners' Club"; vol[284] = "Mike the Manic Estate Agent"; vol[285] = "Des Has a Hair-Raising Experience"; vol[286] = "Des and Mick at Hallowe'en"; vol[287] = "Des and Mick on Bonfire Night"; vol[288] = "Des Goes on Jury Service"; vol[289] = "We Wish You a Greasy Christmas"; vol[291] = "Des and Mick Meet Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen"; vol[292] = "Des and Mick Reduce Their Carbon Footprints"; vol[293] = "Dickie the Vicar's Disco Bus"; vol[294] = "April Fools' Day"; vol[295] = "Adopting Elvis"; vol[296] = "Des and Mick Go to Glastonbury"; vol[297] = "Farmers for Justice"; vol[298] = "Des Buys a Supercar"; vol[299] = "Mike Gets Married"; vol[301] = "Postman Des"; vol[302] = "Des and Mick Meet the Chuckle Brothers"; vol[303] = "Life with the Medfords"; vol[304] = "How to Raise Money to Fix the Church Roof"; vol[305] = "Farmer of the Year"; vol[306] = "Mrs Greasy's Haunted Cafe"; vol[307] = "Des on the Plinth"; vol[308] = "Des Gets Hired"; vol[309] = "Des and Mick's Nineties Nostalgia"; wordy[11] = 1640 wordy[12] = 1090 wordy[13] = 0 wordy[14] = 871 wordy[15] = 1434 wordy[16] = 1363 wordy[17] = 1073 wordy[18] = 1469 wordy[19] = 1345 wordy[21] = 1266 wordy[22] = 1429 wordy[23] = 0 wordy[24] = 1456 wordy[25] = 1702 wordy[26] = 1480 wordy[27] = 1292 wordy[28] = 1408 wordy[29] = 1864 wordy[31] = 1563 wordy[32] = 776 wordy[33] = 1755 wordy[34] = 1428 wordy[35] = 683 wordy[36] = 1172 wordy[37] = 0 wordy[38] = 1318 wordy[39] = 1542 wordy[41] = 1638 wordy[42] = 0 wordy[43] = 1482 wordy[44] = 1311 wordy[45] = 1042 wordy[46] = 1615 wordy[47] = 1389 wordy[48] = 1204 wordy[49] = 1636 wordy[51] = 2023 wordy[52] = 1480 wordy[53] = 1667 wordy[54] = 1322 wordy[55] = 1676 wordy[56] = 1925 wordy[57] = 1470 wordy[58] = 1724 wordy[59] = 1881 wordy[61] = 2210 wordy[62] = 1191 wordy[63] = 1478 wordy[64] = 1699 wordy[65] = 1841 wordy[66] = 1977 wordy[67] = 2145 wordy[68] = 1840 wordy[69] = 0 wordy[71] = 1572 wordy[72] = 1485 wordy[73] = 1694 wordy[74] = 1316 wordy[75] = 1889 wordy[76] = 2147 wordy[77] = 1137 wordy[78] = 1871 wordy[79] = 1910 wordy[81] = 1689 wordy[82] = 1835 wordy[83] = 2140 wordy[84] = 2054 wordy[85] = 1607 wordy[86] = 1881 wordy[87] = 2129 wordy[88] = 1752 wordy[89] = 2143 wordy[91] = 2347 wordy[92] = 2240 wordy[93] = 2145 wordy[94] = 2446 wordy[95] = 1774 wordy[96] = 2265 wordy[97] = 2023 wordy[98] = 2546 wordy[99] = 2311 wordy[101] = 2309 wordy[102] = 1604 wordy[103] = 1649 wordy[104] = 2175 wordy[105] = 1818 wordy[106] = 1790 wordy[107] = 2120 wordy[108] = 1942 wordy[109] = 2299 wordy[111] = 2657 wordy[112] = 1557 wordy[113] = 2397 wordy[114] = 1616 wordy[115] = 1950 wordy[116] = 1925 wordy[117] = 1836 wordy[118] = 2706 wordy[119] = 2402 wordy[121] = 2415 wordy[122] = 2113 wordy[123] = 1486 wordy[124] = 2151 wordy[125] = 2011 wordy[126] = 2166 wordy[127] = 2052 wordy[128] = 2195 wordy[129] = 2922 wordy[131] = 1977 wordy[132] = 1857 wordy[133] = 2052 wordy[134] = 2013 wordy[135] = 2755 wordy[136] = 2068 wordy[137] = 2904 wordy[138] = 2837 wordy[139] = 2612 wordy[141] = 2468 wordy[142] = 2186 wordy[143] = 1801 wordy[144] = 1814 wordy[145] = 3039 wordy[146] = 2045 wordy[147] = 2857 wordy[148] = 2811 wordy[149] = 2480 wordy[151] = 2785 wordy[152] = 2302 wordy[153] = 2497 wordy[154] = 2985 wordy[155] = 2887 wordy[156] = 3021 wordy[157] = 2475 wordy[158] = 2710 wordy[159] = 2980 wordy[161] = 2931 wordy[162] = 2183 wordy[163] = 2885 wordy[164] = 3059 wordy[165] = 2593 wordy[166] = 2395 wordy[167] = 2912 wordy[168] = 2879 wordy[169] = 3072 wordy[171] = 3352 wordy[172] = 2942 wordy[173] = 2512 wordy[174] = 2493 wordy[175] = 2662 wordy[176] = 2978 wordy[177] = 2567 wordy[178] = 3073 wordy[179] = 3483 wordy[181] = 2531 wordy[182] = 2745 wordy[183] = 2981 wordy[184] = 2574 wordy[185] = 3202 wordy[186] = 2817 wordy[187] = 2540 wordy[188] = 3090 wordy[189] = 3086 wordy[191] = 3097 wordy[192] = 3032 wordy[193] = 3421 wordy[194] = 3068 wordy[195] = 2628 wordy[196] = 3071 wordy[197] = 3036 wordy[198] = 3344 wordy[199] = 3384 wordy[201] = 3501 wordy[202] = 3226 wordy[203] = 3320 wordy[204] = 3049 wordy[205] = 2965 wordy[206] = 2653 wordy[207] = 3026 wordy[208] = 2690 wordy[209] = 3114 wordy[211] = 2824 wordy[212] = 2868 wordy[213] = 2823 wordy[214] = 3087 wordy[215] = 2884 wordy[216] = 2881 wordy[217] = 3032 wordy[218] = 3011 wordy[219] = 2802 wordy[221] = 3164 wordy[222] = 3138 wordy[223] = 3118 wordy[224] = 2926 wordy[225] = 3216 wordy[226] = 3288 wordy[227] = 2970 wordy[228] = 2967 wordy[229] = 3325 wordy[231] = 3207 wordy[232] = 3310 wordy[233] = 3064 wordy[234] = 2882 wordy[235] = 3089 wordy[236] = 3305 wordy[237] = 3215 wordy[238] = 3108 wordy[239] = 2676 wordy[241] = 3047 wordy[242] = 2955 wordy[243] = 2989 wordy[244] = 3025 wordy[245] = 3060 wordy[246] = 2906 wordy[247] = 3255 wordy[248] = 3279 wordy[249] = 4263 wordy[251] = 3351 wordy[252] = 3288 wordy[253] = 3074 wordy[254] = 3172 wordy[255] = 2918 wordy[256] = 3157 wordy[257] = 3355 wordy[258] = 3243 wordy[259] = 3583 wordy[261] = 3105 wordy[262] = 3376 wordy[263] = 3576 wordy[264] = 3222 wordy[265] = 3422 wordy[266] = 3474 wordy[267] = 3625 wordy[268] = 4177 wordy[269] = 3507 wordy[271] = 3206 wordy[272] = 3665 wordy[273] = 3827 wordy[274] = 3429 wordy[275] = 3501 wordy[276] = 3513 wordy[277] = 3417 wordy[278] = 4255 wordy[279] = 3251 wordy[281] = 3599 wordy[282] = 3648 wordy[283] = 3567 wordy[284] = 3568 wordy[285] = 3730 wordy[286] = 3408 wordy[287] = 3488 wordy[288] = 3738 wordy[289] = 3601 wordy[291] = 3701 wordy[292] = 3599 wordy[293] = 3832 wordy[294] = 3602 wordy[295] = 3485 wordy[296] = 3767 wordy[297] = 3775 wordy[298] = 3748 wordy[299] = 3765 wordy[301] = 3669 wordy[302] = 3358 wordy[303] = 3195 wordy[304] = 3798 wordy[305] = 3858 wordy[306] = 3835 wordy[307] = 3862 wordy[308] = 4474 wordy[309] = 3570 monther[1]="February"; monther[2]="September"; monther[3]="December"; monther[4]="March"; monther[5]="June"; monther[6]="October"; monther[7]="June"; monther[8]="November"; monther[9]="May"; monther[10]="November"; monther[11]="July"; monther[12]="December"; monther[13]="June"; monther[14]="June"; monther[15]="February"; monther[16]="November"; monther[17]="April"; monther[18]="December"; monther[19]="December"; monther[20]="October"; monther[21]="March"; monther[22]="September"; monther[23]="July"; monther[24]="June"; monther[25]="February"; monther[26]="November"; monther[27]="June"; monther[28]="March"; monther[29]="November"; monther[30]="November"; yearer[1]="1992"; yearer[2]="1992"; yearer[3]="1992"; yearer[4]="1993"; yearer[5]="1993"; yearer[6]="1993"; yearer[7]="1994"; yearer[8]="1994"; yearer[9]="1995"; yearer[10]="1995"; yearer[11]="1996"; yearer[12]="1996"; yearer[13]="1997"; yearer[14]="1998"; yearer[15]="1999"; yearer[16]="1999"; yearer[17]="2000"; yearer[18]="2000"; yearer[19]="2001"; yearer[20]="2002"; yearer[21]="2003"; yearer[22]="2003"; yearer[23]="2004"; yearer[24]="2005"; yearer[25]="2006"; yearer[26]="2006"; yearer[27]="2007"; yearer[28]="2008"; yearer[29]="2008"; yearer[30]="2009"; var maxvolumes = 31; var maxstories = maxvolumes * 10;