var desc = new Array();

desc[11] = "the duo attempt to embark on an epic journey";
desc[12] = "a story in which nothing happens";
desc[13] = "the duo cause havoc at the local television station";
desc[14] = "the duo move from Chelmsford to Caterham";
desc[15] = "the duo start a radio station";
desc[16] = "Des gets himself a new pet";
desc[17] = "Des has a bizarre experience";
desc[18] = "Des's fussy aunt pays a visit";
desc[19] = "Des attempts to win a fortune on television";
desc[21] = "Des receives a mysterious package, then they visit the zoo and go back to school";
desc[22] = "the duo visit Bognor to get away from their neighbours";
desc[23] = "the duo go on a day trip to France";
desc[24] = "Des attempts to put a bookcase up";
desc[25] = "the duo open a shop, with little success";
desc[26] = "the gang try to catch a murderer";
desc[27] = "the duo invite the Queen to a garden party";
desc[28] = "Des campaigns to become an MP";
desc[29] = "Des decides to hold a party for Mick";
desc[31] = "the gang hold a sponsored walk";
desc[32] = "Des buys a computer to count his money with";
desc[33] = "the gang hold a seance at Mrs Greasy's cafe";
desc[34] = "Des moves into the movie business with 'There's a Giant Gerbil Loose in Caterham'";
desc[35] = "Des becomes a celebrity";
desc[36] = "the duo learn to cook";
desc[37] = "Des is prime suspect in a murder case";
desc[38] = "the gang visit Scotland";
desc[39] = "the gang hold a fancy dress party for Christmas";
desc[41] = "Des gives his garden a makeover";
desc[42] = "the duo receive a strange visitor";
desc[43] = "Des passes away - or does he?";
desc[44] = "the gang assist the community during a cold spell";
desc[45] = "back to the Middle Ages";
desc[46] = "the gang move to Tolworth";
desc[47] = "Des and Mick find themselves locked in a bank vault";
desc[48] = "the gang put on a magic show";
desc[49] = "the gang hold a race round the motorway";
desc[51] = "the gang have a boring time at Farmer Files's Open Day";
desc[52] = "Mick and Clive decide it's time Des got fit";
desc[53] = "Des tries to upgrade his television and uncovers an alien invasion plot!";
desc[54] = "Mrs Greasy gives herself the job as Des's housekeeper";
desc[55] = "Mick's computer game-obsessed nephew visits";
desc[56] = "the gang cause havoc at a local fete";
desc[57] = "Des invents a superb new biscuit recipe";
desc[58] = "the duo look after the cafe while Mrs Greasy's on holiday";
desc[59] = "the gang decide to take their show on the road";
desc[61] = "Des becomes a PC in order to get Clive arrested";
desc[62] = "the gang hold a slug race";
desc[63] = "Mick has a driving lesson on Files's farm";
desc[64] = "in this story you, yes you, get to choose what happens next!";
desc[65] = "the gang set up a newspaper";
desc[66] = "the gang investigate unexplained phenomena in Wiltshire";
desc[67] = "Des gets himself a job as a supply teacher at the local school";
desc[68] = "the duo win a trip on a cruise ship that isn't what it seems";
desc[69] = "the gang are challenged to build a restaurant in two days";
desc[71] = "Des becomes environmentally aware";
desc[72] = "Des sells his painting to an auction house and then tries to bid for it back";
desc[73] = "the gang get stuck in a massive traffic jam";
desc[74] = "Captain Wednesday and his shipmates set sail on the Merry Tolworth";
desc[75] = "Des gets himself a bit part on a period drama";
desc[76] = "Des's aunt moves into the street";
desc[77] = "Mrs Greasy goes on a search to find her long-lost husband";
desc[78] = "the gang go sightseeing";
desc[79] = "Aunty Phyllis gets married to train enthusiast Ralph";
desc[81] = "the gang play a joke on Ralph by inventing a bogus train strike";
desc[82] = "Des falls off his roof while adjusting his aerial";
desc[83] = "the gang hold a disco to raise funds to help fix the church roof";
desc[84] = "a rival cafe opens opposite Mrs Greasy";
desc[85] = "the gang spend Hallowe'en night in a ghost-infested house";
desc[86] = "when Des's priceless painting is stolen, he decides to make his house more secure";
desc[87] = "the gang spend a week without electricity";
desc[88] = "the gang visit the seaside";
desc[89] = "the gang's holiday in Portugal is ruined by Farmer Files's pigs";
desc[91] = "Des buys an old van, and finds a metal detector in it";
desc[92] = "the gang make a promotional video for Tolworth";
desc[93] = "the duo look after the pigs while Farmer Files is away";
desc[94] = "Des tries to break the land speed record in his Fiat 126";
desc[95] = "Des tries painting";
desc[96] = "Des causes chaos redecorating his house";
desc[97] = "the gang go on a disastrous camping holiday";
desc[98] = "the gang hold a madcap race from one side of London to the other";
desc[99] = "the gang inadvertently give Father Christmas a cold";
desc[101] = "the gang try to find Mick's ex-boss a new job";
desc[102] = "Des starts talking constantly in rhyme";
desc[103] = "the gang try to fight a crime wave";
desc[104] = "the gang get themselves a float in the procession";
desc[105] = "Des becomes a superhero";
desc[106] = "two parties are organised for Wayne and Phyllis - on the same day";
desc[107] = "Des has been left half a million pounds which he must spend in one day";
desc[108] = "Des can't get to sleep";
desc[109] = "the gang go on a touring holiday";
desc[111] = "an Elvis impersonator moves into the street";
desc[112] = "Des meets up with his old school friends";
desc[113] = "Des finds himself involved in a plan to demolish his own house";
desc[114] = "the new vicar proves to be the unlikely star of the gang's fashion show";
desc[115] = "Des is mistakenly delivered 200 broken talking bears";
desc[116] = "the gang hold a football match - and Des has a secret weapon";
desc[117] = "Des catches the flu";
desc[118] = "Des invents a scheme involving Elvis, a UFO and the Loch Ness monster";
desc[119] = "Des dreams that he is Deseneezer Scrooge";
desc[121] = "for the 100th story, Des and Mick remember their favourite moments so far";
desc[122] = "Des discovers he has inherited a title and a mansion";
desc[123] = "Des tries to get more 'with it'";
desc[124] = "the gang clean Phyllis's precious statue";
desc[125] = "Des is terrified by a mouse that has infiltrated his house";
desc[126] = "the gang take to a canal in Des's latest purchase";
desc[127] = "Mick and Clive decide Des isn't eating healthily enough";
desc[128] = "the gang use a flying Mini Clubman to rescue Des from a UFO";
desc[129] = "the gang celebrate Christmas by putting on their own pantomime";
desc[131] = "Dickie and Mike usurp Des and Mick from their own stories!";
desc[132] = "Des investigates who sent him a Valentines card";
desc[133] = "the gang set up an Easter Egg hunt for the local kids";
desc[134] = "Des tries to join Wayne and Mike's noisy band";
desc[135] = "Des is chosen to represent the UK at Eurovision";
desc[136] = "Mike sets up a banger racing circuit at Files's farm";
desc[137] = "aliens land on Files's farm while he is making a film";
desc[138] = "the gang hold a car boot sale so Des can sell his painting";
desc[139] = "Clive enters the others into the London marathon";
desc[141] = "Phyllis throws her husband Ralph out";
desc[142] = "Des modernises his house with the latest technology";
desc[143] = "Des and Mick borrow no ordinary hot air balloon";
desc[144] = "Dave Presley is arrested";
desc[145] = "Clive's more successful brother arrives in the area";
desc[146] = "the gang have to babysit Phyllis's great grand-nephew";
desc[147] = "Des simulates a foreign holiday in his house";
desc[148] = "the gang are unhappy about building an extension to Files's pigsty";
desc[149] = "the gang put on a show dedicated to their favourite 70s bands";
desc[151] = "Des tries to encourage people to visit the countryside";
desc[152] = "Clive is finally allowed to join the golf club";
desc[153] = "the gang go in search of a rare bird";
desc[154] = "the gang have an eventful holiday in Des's decrepit caravan";
desc[155] = "Des is having premonitions of the future and the gang cash in on this";
desc[156] = "the gang film a documentary about their lives";
desc[157] = "Des goes in search of chocolate biscuits";
desc[158] = "the gang visit a ski resort in France";
desc[159] = "the gang have to avert a national disaster";
desc[161] = "the gang travel to Cornwall to witness the total eclipse of the sun";
desc[162] = "Des discovers a new comet";
desc[163] = "Des and Mick aim to be the first men on Mars";
desc[164] = "the gang start a television channel";
desc[165] = "Des and Mick can't stop telling jokes";
desc[166] = "the gang try campanology";
desc[167] = "the gang visit Australia";
desc[168] = "Des asks everyone to ignore his birthday - so they do";
desc[169] = "the gang celebrate the start of the new millennium - or is it?";
desc[171] = "the gang visit the Millennium Dome and London Eye";
desc[172] = "two lunatics have started up a fan club for Des";
desc[173] = "the duo lose Phyllis's great grand-nephew on a shopping trip";
desc[174] = "Farmer Files takes over the local pub";
desc[175] = "Des starts a bus service that will only accept celebrities";
desc[176] = "Des gets himself a robot to do the household chores, but it quickly rebels";
desc[177] = "Mrs Greasy's new pet causes plenty of trouble";
desc[178] = "chaos ensues when Wayne becomes the world's first human clone";
desc[179] = "episodes from Des and Mick's life";
desc[181] = "Des employs a bodyguard when he feels under threat from Wayne's clone";
desc[182] = "Mike buys Mrs Greasy a stuffed bear for her birthday";
desc[183] = "the gang stay at a holiday camp run by Files";
desc[184] = "the gang cope with a petrol shortage";
desc[185] = "Mrs Greasy is set to win a national cookery competition";
desc[186] = "the gang inadvertently stumble upon Teletubbyland";
desc[187] = "the duo run Uncle Barnacle's lighthouse for a weekend";
desc[188] = "the gang enter the London to Brighton Veteran Car Run in a settee on wheels";
desc[189] = "Mrs Greasy and Dickie the Vicar conspire to ruin the gang's Christmas";
desc[191] = "Des decides to celebrate Christmas every day of the year";
desc[192] = "the gang visit Farmer Files's new theme park";
desc[193] = "Dave Presley and his brother Don take lodgings at the cafe";
desc[194] = "some bloke called Lionel takes lodgings";
desc[195] = "Dickie the Vicar records a pop single";
desc[196] = "the gang re-enact the St George and the Dragon story";
desc[197] = "the duo take over the church hall to hold some bingo sessions";
desc[198] = "Des declares his house to be an independent state";
desc[199] = "the gang are initially impressed by the holiday home Des has chosen";
desc[201] = "the gang hold a street party";
desc[202] = "Des discovers about some of his fascinating descendants";
desc[203] = "Des buys himself a milk float, and tries to make it go faster";
desc[204] = "the duo get embroiled in Mrs Greasy's latest bizarre scheme";
desc[205] = "Des wins a panda bear in a raffle that he doesn't want";
desc[206] = "the cops and robbers theme spells trouble for the gang";
desc[207] = "Mrs Greasy tries hypnotising her customers";
desc[208] = "Des, Mick and Wayne set up a market stall";
desc[209] = "the world is about to suffer a catastrophic asteroid hit";
desc[211] = "Des goes on a quest to find his car that he inadvertently sold";
desc[212] = "Des goes diving in the River Thames to rescue a rare record";
desc[213] = "the gang travel on Farmer Files's new train service";
desc[214] = "Mike and Wayne embark on a new venture";
desc[215] = "Mrs Greasy begins running discos in competition with Dickie";
desc[216] = "Des opens a shop to rid himself of some jumpers he doesn't want";
desc[217] = "Des has a plan to guarantee a white Christmas";
desc[218] = "Mrs Greasy's cafe faces demolition";
desc[219] = "an American director arrives to make a film about the gang's life";
desc[221] = "Farmer Files sells Des a computer";
desc[222] = "Des buys himself a hearse";
desc[223] = "Mrs Greasy's strict sister comes to run the cafe";
desc[224] = "the duo help to battle rush hour congestion";
desc[225] = "the gang hold a pancake tossing competition";
desc[226] = "Des and Mick are commissioned to promote Mrs Greasy's cafe";
desc[227] = "Mrs Greasy's pet monkey is revealed to be a weather forecast addict";
desc[228] = "the duo launch a campaign to teach kids about the evils of golf";
desc[229] = "Des buys himself a pier in the middle of a field";
desc[231] = "Des stands in for Mike the Manic Mechanic";
desc[232] = "Des comes up with some monstrous creations";
desc[233] = "the gang are bewildered when Des is awarded an OBE";
desc[234] = "Mrs Greasy opens a public gym in her spare bedroom";
desc[235] = "Mike helps Des to get his new shed home from the garden centre";
desc[236] = "Mike and Wayne embark on another money-making venture";
desc[237] = "Des receives a visit from someone who claims he met him once on holiday in 1977";
desc[238] = "Des gets himself an ice cream van on the hottest day of the year";
desc[239] = "a race is held to find out who has the best car that turns into a boat";
desc[241] = "the gang decide to stay awake 24 hours a day for charity";
desc[242] = "Des gets himself an agent who only seems to get him rubbish jobs";
desc[243] = "Des has a very unlucky day";
desc[244] = "Des tries getting a job in order to avoid Dickie's discos";
desc[245] = "Des takes over Farmer Files's ailing circus";
desc[246] = "the duo help Dickie the Vicar move to Carlisle";
desc[247] = "the gang record a charity single to help out Farmer Files";
desc[248] = "Des finds himself playing Father Christmas at the local shopping centre";
desc[249] = "Des moves out of his house and into the vacant dome";
desc[251] = "Des and Mick start their own pub";
desc[252] = "Mrs Greasy launches a shopping channel, and Des is its only presenter";
desc[253] = "the duo have a plan to bring an end to Dickie's boring discos";
desc[254] = "Mike steals Noel Edmonds's helicopter and sells it to Des";
desc[255] = "Des gets a job while looking after a lost Womble";
desc[256] = "Des tries to muscle his way onto Sean's tourist information video";
desc[257] = "Farmer Files turns his farmhouse into a hotel";
desc[258] = "Mike and Mrs Greasy are both experiencing a financial crisis";
desc[259] = "there's a turkey shortage thanks to Mrs Greasy's bad cooking";
desc[261] = "Mike cons Des into running his pirate television channel for him from a ship in the North Sea";
desc[262] = "Mrs G creates a rooftop patio on her cafe";
desc[263] = "Farmer Files gets Des and Mick involved with espionage";
desc[264] = "Des gets himself an unlikely job";
desc[265] = "the duo try to bring a halt to the International Mug kicking tournament";
desc[266] = "Mike's air guitar contest gets Dickie the sack!";
desc[267] = "the duo get mixed up with the others' game shows";
desc[268] = "Mike builds himself his own car and uses it to travel back in time";
desc[269] = "Des and Mick get trapped in Mrs Greasy's cafe!";
desc[271] = "a cash-strapped Wayne reforms his early nineties boy band";
desc[272] = "Mrs Greasy decides to take her cafe to the people - literally!";
desc[273] = "Farmer Files launches his own reality game show";
desc[274] = "Mick starts up a charity to help out Clive";
desc[275] = "the cheerful cockney celebrity chef is in town";
desc[276] = "Des decides he wants to be remembered for something after he's gone";
desc[277] = "Dickie the Vicar becomes a fan of jazz music";
desc[278] = "a new arrival threatens to put the others out of business";
desc[279] = "only Des and Mick could go cross-country running through the middle of central London";
desc[281] = "Des takes a test drive in a new car equipped with the latest technology";
desc[282] = "Mrs Greasy's Scottish cousin comes to stay";
desc[283] = "Des becomes the new secretary of the club";
desc[284] = "Mike stops being a mechanic and starts selling houses instead";
desc[285] = "Des opens his own barber shop";
desc[286] = "Des has just half an hour to organise a Hallowe'en party";
desc[287] = "the duo take action against the sale of fireworks to underage kids";
desc[288] = "Des's holiday plans are ruined when he has to go on jury service";
desc[289] = "Des has a plan to stop Mrs Greasy ruining Christmas";
desc[291] = "the flamboyant designer transforms Mrs Greasy's cafe";
desc[292] = "Mrs G encourages the gang to be environmentally friendly";
desc[293] = "Des and Mick discover that Dickie is supposed to have retired!";
desc[294] = "Mrs Greasy receives a visit from a health inspector on April 1st";
desc[295] = "Des adopts an Indian elephant";
desc[296] = "the duo inadvertently go camping in the middle of a rock festival";
desc[297] = "Farmer Files cajoles the others into holding some protests for him";
desc[298] = "Des's most surprising purchase yet proves to be in high demand";
desc[299] = "Des and Mick wonder if Mike is doing the right thing marrying Trendy Tracy";
desc[301] = "Des needs to find a job that comes with a vehicle"
desc[302] = "Des and Mick aim to become the next big comedy double act"
desc[303] = "to Mrs Greasy's chagrin, Trendy Tracy opens her own cafe next door"
desc[304] = "Dickie needs some new charity fund-raising ideas"
desc[305] = "Farmer Files believes he is in line for a top award"
desc[306] = "Mrs G tries to drum up business by making out there is a ghost in the cafe"
desc[307] = "Des's stint on the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square coincides with a fire at the cafe"
desc[308] = "Des somehow manages to get a job working for Sir Alan Sugar"
desc[309] = "the gang put on a show to remember the biggest acts of the 90s"