by Robert Williams
"Where's my shoe polish?" exclaimed Mick one morning.
"Where's my kipper tie?" exclaimed Clive, simultaneously.
"Where's my copy of the 'Des and Wayne Joke Book'?" exclaimed Des, simultaneously as well.
"It's an unfortunate person who takes your 'Des and Wayne Joke Book'," remarked Mick.
"We need someone to investigate," said Des. His doorbell then rang.
"Allo! It's yer ol' mate..."
Des shut the door.
"Not Wayne! Please, not Wayne! We need a proper expert to solve these dastardly crimes."
Before long, Des had dialled the appropriate number, and Doctor Whoson and his companion Sherlock Bones (or maybe that should be the other way round...no, I was right the first time).
"Afternoon, Bones and Whoson," said Des inviting them into the house.
"Evening Des, morning Mick and kippers Clive," greeted Bones.
"That's Clive Kippers, actually."
Des explained the happenings, and Whoson immediately went off to look for clues, while Bones immediately went off to look for food.
Bones was munching away in Des's kitchen, eating all of his treasured chocolate biscuits when Whoson suddenly burst in through the back door.
"I've worked it all out," said Bones, who had thought nothing of the crime all afternoon. "It's electrolysis, my dear Whoson. You're the criminal! Shoe polish to polish your bald head, kipper ties to add to your highly stylish (and if you believe that you'll believe anything) wardrobe and that hilarious joke book so you can tell hilarious jokes."
"Why did the sheep cross the road?" asked Whoson. "Because it was the chicken's day off."
Bones burst out laughing. He was cracking up, and rolling around the floor.
"You've found them!" exclaimed Mick, coming into the room.
"Yes," said Whoson. "They were hidden in Farmer Files's beard!"
"Hey!" exclaimed Bones, picking himself from up the floor, and picking up the 'Des and Wayne Joke Book'. "Here's a great elephant joke!! Now, there was an Englishman, an Irishman..."
Copyright © Robert Williams 1993