ELVIS WINS LOTTERY

DOUBTS OVER whether the chances of winning the National Lottery (14 million to 1) really were equal to Elvis Presley crash landing a UFO into Loch Ness were quashed last night as the King himself hit the £6.8 million jackpot.

Though thought to have been dead for ages, we managed to track down pensioner Presley and secured an exclusive interview. We contacted him on his mobile telephone on board a UFO over Scotland.

"Uh, thank yer very much, it's a great honour, sir," Elvis told us. We were about to ask him exactly why he had chosen to buy a UFO with the money when the phone went dead. DMTV's Scotland reporter, Donald McSporren, later informed us he had seen a flying saucer crashing into the Loch Ness monster.

Nothing has been heard of Presley since - except that he has returned to his former job as a window cleaner in Basildon.