Fed up with the present day political landscape? Are you tired of the lacklustre Labour Party? The cruddy Conservatory Party? The dreary Diberal Lemocrats? Thank goodness you are, because it's time for an exciting new force in British Politics!

The Big Purple Penguin Party has been formed mainly for a laugh, but also to fight for a better Britain! This Party Political Web Page will tell you why you should vote Big Purple Penguin at the next election. Remember, there's less than five years to go, so you'd better make your mind up quick!

Policies

The Big Purple Penguin Party is the party of truth and honesty - we openly admit we have no policies! (Well, apart from these ones, but they're not very good...)

Taxation
All present forms of taxation will be abolished. Hooray!! Instead, a brand new taxation system will be introduced, where everyone pays what they want! Now you can't say fairer than that! But hey, I hear you cry, surely everyone will just pay the bare minimun each! Indeed - and then when the country goes to the dogs, the Great British Public will have no one to blame but themselves! As an incentive to pay more tax, the person who pays the most tax each year will win a cuddly toy!

War
Whenever there's a war, we'll just send our Defence Secretary Dave Lee Travis to the aggressor and get him to shout "YOU ARE A DEAD MAN!!!" at them, like he did to Noel Edmonds when he got his Gotcha on Noel's House Party.

Europe
Don't worry, The Big Purple Penguin Party are committed to pulling out of the European Union! Hooray!! Not only that, we'll be filling in the Channel Tunnel with some of Mrs Greasy's buns.

Money
Have no fear, we won't be turning Britain over to some tacky European currency! In fact, The Big Purple Penguin Party are committed to going in completely the other direction and reintroducing pre-decimal currency! Laugh at the under-40s as they struggle with farthings, groats, shillings, florins, crowns, Nobles and guineas. Oh yes, don't you worry, we're bringing back the lot!

Crime
The Big Purple Penguin Party promise not only to be tough on crime, but also to be tough on the causes of crime. Bet no one's ever thought of that before!

Education
From now on, all children between the ages of five and sixteen will be made to go to school! That'll teach them!

Languages
The learning of foreign languages will be banned. After all, everyone else speaks English, so what's the point? Brits can then spend the time saved watching cartoons.

Broadcasting
If you vote Big Purple Penguin at the next election, we positively guarantee that we will abolish DMTV! That'll please a few people on the Digital Sky forum!

Now here's a sneak preview of who'll be making those big decisions when you vote The Big Purple Penguin Party into Government at the next election!

So there you have it. Make sure you vote Big Purple Penguin at the next election. Please. Please. Oh go on. Pleeeeease...

That was a Party Political Web Page on behalf of The Big Purple Penguin Party. Please note that DMTV does not endorse or support The Big Purple Penguin Party in any way.