Fed up with the present day political landscape? Are you tired of the lacklustre Labour Party? The cruddy Conservatory Party? The dreary Diberal Lemocrats? Thank goodness you are, because it's time for an exciting new force in British Politics!
The Big Purple Penguin Party has been formed mainly for a laugh, but also to fight for a better Britain! This Party Political Web Page will tell you why you should vote Big Purple Penguin at the next election. Remember, there's less than five years to go, so you'd better make your mind up quick!
The Big Purple Penguin Party is the party of truth and honesty - we openly admit we have no policies! (Well, apart from these ones, but they're not very good...)
All present forms of taxation will be abolished. Hooray!! Instead, a brand new taxation system will be introduced, where everyone pays what they want! Now you can't say fairer than that! But hey, I hear you cry, surely everyone will just pay the bare minimum each! Indeed - and then when the country goes to the dogs, the Great British Public will have no one to blame but themselves! As an incentive to pay more tax, the person who pays the most tax each year will win a cuddly toy!
Whenever there's a war, we'll just send our Defence Secretary Dave Lee Travis to the aggressor and get him to shout "YOU ARE A DEAD MAN!!!" at them, like he did to Noel Edmonds when he got his Gotcha on Noel's House Party.
Don't worry, The Big Purple Penguin Party are committed to pulling out of the European Union! Hooray!! Not only that, we'll be filling in the Channel Tunnel with some of Mrs Greasy's buns.
Have no fear, we won't be turning Britain over to some tacky European currency! In fact, The Big Purple Penguin Party are committed to going in completely the other direction and reintroducing pre-decimal currency! Laugh at the under-40s as they struggle with farthings, groats, shillings, florins, crowns, Nobles and guineas. Oh yes, don't you worry, we're bringing back the lot!
The Big Purple Penguin Party promise not only to be tough on crime, but also to be tough on the causes of crime. Bet no one's ever thought of that before!
From now on, all children between the ages of five and sixteen will be made to go to school! That'll teach them!
The learning of foreign languages will be banned. After all, everyone else speaks English, so what's the point? Brits can then spend the time saved watching cartoons.
If you vote Big Purple Penguin at the next election, we positively guarantee that we will abolish DMTV! That'll please a few people on the Digital Sky forum!
Now here's a sneak preview of who'll be making those big decisions when you vote The Big Purple Penguin Party into Government at the next election!
|THE SHADOW CABINET|
|Lord Chancellor||Lord Forsyth|
|Chancellor of the Exchequer||Carol Vorderman|
|Chief Secretary to the Treasury||Bruno Brookes|
|Leader of the House of Commons||Ronnie Corbett|
|Leader of the House of Lords||Lord Wogan|
|Lord President of the Council||Lord Dimbleby|
|Lord Privy Seal||Lord Paxman|
|Parliamentary Secretary to the Treasury||Jim Bowen|
|Chief Whip of the House of Commons||Andi Peters|
|Minister for the Cabinet Office||Des O'Connor|
|Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster||Dusty Bin|
|Secretaries of State|
|Home Department||Keith Chegwin|
|Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs||Dame Edna Everage|
|Business, Innovation and Skills||Del Boy Trotter|
|Children, Schools and Families||Basil Brush|
|Communities and Local Government||Noel Edmonds|
|Culture, Media and Sport||Mr Blobby|
|Defence||Dave Lee Travis|
|Energy and Climate Change||David Bellamy|
|Environment, Food and Rural Affairs||Bill Oddie|
|International Development||Paul Daniels|
|Justice||Judge John Deed|
|Northern Ireland||Gloria Hunniford|
|Wales||Ivor the Engine|
|Women and Equalities||Peter Stringfellow|
|Work and Pensions||Rodney Trotter|
|MINISTERS OF STATE|
|Department for Business, Innovation and Skills|
|Employment Relations and Postal Affairs||Postman Pat|
|Trade, Investment and Consumer Affairs||Arthur Daley|
|Communications, Technology and Broadcasting||Ulrika Jonsson|
|Economic Competitiveness and Small Business||Lord Branson|
|Higher Education & Intellectual Property||Chris Moyles|
|Science & Innovation||Wizbit|
|Skills & Apprenticeships||Lionel Blair|
|Department for Children, Schools and Families|
|Children, Young People and Families||Jimmy Krankie|
|Schools and Learners||Ian Krankie|
|Department for Communities and Local Government|
|Housing||Bob the Builder|
|Local Government||Russell Brand|
|Community Cohesion and Fire and Rescue Service||Barney McGrew|
|Department for Culture, Media & Sport|
|Culture||Dick and Dom|
|Television||Ant and Dec|
|Radio||Smashie and Nicey|
|Music||Sir Cliff Richard|
|Language and Literature||Danny Baker|
|Ministry of Defence|
|Armed Forces||Hyacinth Bucket|
|Defence Equipment & Support||Jockey Wilson|
|International Defence and Security||Sir Roger Moore|
|Department for Energy and Climate Change|
|Climate Change||James May|
|Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs|
|Farming and the Environment||Farmer Barleymow|
|Natural and Marine Environment, Wildlife|
& Rural Affairs
|Prairie||Gordon the Gopher|
|Women and Equality||Russell Brand|
|Foreign & Commonwealth Office|
|Foreign Office||Paddington Bear|
|Africa, Asia and the UN||Nelson Mandela|
|Outer Space||Prof Brian Cox|
|Department of Fun|
|Christmas||Lord Father Christmas|
|Funny Walks||John Cleese|
|Jokes and Comedy||Ken Dodd|
|Department of Health|
|Care Services||Helen Brittas|
|Health Services||Colin Wetherby|
|Public Health||Jamie Oliver|
|Borders and Immigration||Clifford the Big Red Dog|
|Crime and Policing||PC Plod|
|Identity||The Invisible Man|
|Security and Counter-terrorism||Andi Peters|
|London||Chas and Dave|
|South East England||Tony Blackburn|
|South West England||Judi Spiers|
|East of England||Alan Partridge|
|West of England||Stephen Merchant|
|North West England||Liam Gallagher|
|North East England||Gazza|
|Department for International Development|
|International Development||Debbie McGee|
|Ministry of Justice|
|Northern Ireland Office|
|Northern Ireland||Patrick Kielty|
|Department for Transport|
|Roads and Traffic||Nigel Mansell|
|Wales||Jones the Steam|
|Department for Work and Pensions|
So there you have it. Make sure you vote Big Purple Penguin at the next election. Please. Please. Oh go on. Pleeeeease...
That was a Party Political Web Page on behalf of The Big Purple Penguin Party. Please note that DMTV does not endorse or support The Big Purple Penguin Party in any way.