(Please note that DMTV viewers seem to have some rather bizarre tastes...for one thing, they haven't voted in a single DMTV programme...)
100 Only Fools and Horses (BBC1 1981-2003) - Hey, remember that bit where Del fell through the bar?! Heh, heh, heh...
99 The Two Ronnies (BBC1 1971-87) - Hey, remember that 'Four Candles' sketch?! Heh, heh, heh...
98 Dad's Army (BBC1 1968-77) - Hey, remember that bit where Mainwaring says "Don't tell him Pike!" Heh, heh, heh...
97 Fawlty Towers (BBC2 1975-79) - Hey, remember that bit where Basil Fawlty does his funny walk! Heh, heh, heh...
96 The National Lottery - In It to Win It (BBC1 2000s) - Hey, remember that bit where Dale Winton...um..oh...
95 The Eurovision Song Contest (BBC1 1956-date) - Wacky European vote-for-your-neighbour show
94 Quiz Time, Gentlemen Please (BBC1 1968) - Proof that DLT wasn't the first to invent a darts quiz...
93 The Flowerpot Men (BBC 1952) - Thanks to Bill and Ben, an entire generation grew up not being to talk properly! Didn't they?!...
92 Lassie (BBC1 1970s/80s) - Yawn...
91 Gentle Ben (BBC1 1980s) - Sigh...
90 The Littlest Hobo (BBC1 1980s) - Zzzzzzz...
89 Pop Quiz (BBC1 1981-84) - Mike Read-hosted quiz which coincidentally at no point featured Frankie Goes to Hollywood as guests
88 Last of the Summer Wine (BBC1 1973-2010) - Now shown in HD, so you can make out every wrinkle...
87 Good Morning...with Anne and Nick (BBC1 1992-96) - In no way a rip-off of This Morning with Richard and Judy
86 Trumpton (BBC1 1967) - Childen's series, best remembered for the firemen played by 60s pop group Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick, Tich, Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb
85 The Colbys (BBC1 1981-84) - American soap opera spin-off from Dynasty, centered around everyday occurrences in Los Angeles such as alien abduction
84 Junior Kick Start (BBC1 1980-92) - Starring Peter Purves, don't you know?
83 Going for Gold (BBC1 1987-96) - Starring Henry Kelly, don't you know?
82 The Chucklehounds (BBC1 mid-1980s) - Starring the Chuckle Brothers, don't you know?
81 Live at Johnny's (BBC3 2004) - Entertainment show that came live from Johnny Vaughan's real life shed, honest
80 Bod (BBC1 1975-76) - Here comes Bod...Frank the Postman...PC Copper...Farmer Barleymow...and Aunt Flo... And what flavour milkshake will Alberto the Frog choose today? Nothing, because half of his stories have been wiped!
79 BBC News 24 (BBC News 24 1997-2008) - A news programme that went on for over ten years! Phew!
78 The Basil Brush Show (BBC1/CBBC 2002-07) - That's the modern version, not the old-fashioned seventies version of course! Do you think DMTV viewers are stuck in the past or something?!
77 London to Brighton in Three-and-a-Half Minutes (BBC1 1983) - If only train travel was really that effective...
76 Automan (BBC1 1984) - He was a man - who was automatic! Hence, Automan! Geddit?!
75 Paul Squire Esq (BBC1 1983) - Comedy show
74 Mark Owen's Celebrity Scooters (BBC Choice 2000) - Mark Owen was the bloke from Take That, by the way
73 No 73 (ITV 1982-88) - Well what a coincidence!
72 Cheggers Plays Pop (BBC1 1979-86) - It's got Cheggers in it, how can it not be fab?!
71 Naked Jungle (Channel 5 2000) - Oh, um...
70 Inventors' Club (BBC 1950) - Mr Geoffrey Boumphrey assesses all the new inventions submitted since the last meeting
69 Fashion Forecast (BBC 1946) - Who could forget this useful guide on choosing on hat?
68 Oil Review (BBC 1950) - Who could forget this magazine show containing items on oil detection?
67 The Billy Cotton Band Show (BBC 1957-60s) - "Wakey wakey!!!"
66 The Charlie Drake Show (BBC1/BBC2 1960-61, 1963, 1967-68) - "Hello my darlings!" Charlie later changed career when he became the lead singer of Simply Red
65 Six-Five Special (BBC 1957-58) - Music, comedy and items on rock climbing
64 Champion the Wonder Horse (BBC various years) - Remember the theme tune? It went "Champion, the Wonder Horse..."
63 Gideon (ITV 1979-82) - Cartoon which had the remarkable effect of causing its young viewers to burst into tears...
62 Rhowch Inni Gan (BBC1 1967) - This programme of songs in Welsh proved to be a winner with DMTV viewers
61 The Flashing Blade (BBC1 1988-89) - That's the On the Waterfront dubbed version, scripted by Russell T Davies who of course later went on to great acclaim - writing three episode of Chucklevision
60 Multi-Coloured Swap Shop (BBC1 1976-82) - Starring Posh Paws, which isn't 'Swap Shop' backwards
59 Metal Mickey (ITV 1980-83) - Sitcom about a cheeky robot - not actually a robot version of the producer, Micky Dolenz
58 Richard Whiteley Unbriefed (BBC1 1999) - The late Richard Whiteley interviewed famous people he had never heard of
57 Celebrity Wrestling (ITV1 2005) - Even DMTV turned this one down
56 Johnny Ball Games (BBC1 1980-81) - This was actually a real programme as well
55 Rainbow (ITV 1972-1992) - Bungo, George and Zippy
54 Captain Caveman (BBC1 1980s) - "CAPTAIN CAVEMAN!!!!"
53 Nine O'Clock News (BBC1 1970-2000) - It's never been quite the same since they started showing the Nine O'Clock News at 10.00...
52 Burghley Horse Trials 1972 (BBC1 1972) - The horses were found not guilty
51 The 8.15 from Manchester (BBC1 1990-91) aka 'The Eight Foot Tin for My Chest Hair'
50 Bruce Forsyth's Big Night (ITV 1978) - Two solid hours of comedy, music, fun and games - what could possibly go wrong?
49 Roobarb (BBC1 1974) - Yes, that's just Roobarb, all right, not 'Roobarb and Custard'!!!
48 Doogie Howser MD (BBC1 early 1990s) - An American programme
47 You've Been Framed (ITV 1990-date) - A surprise to see this in the Top 100, we'd have thought it was a little highbrow for DMTV viewers
46 Caught in the Act (BBC1 1992) - The same as You've Been Framed but like a game show
45 You and Me (BBC1/2 1974-95) - It was much better before the UB40 theme tune...
44 Party Political Broadcast (BBC1/BBC2/ITV 1951-2008) - DMTV viewers love these programmes because at last it gives them a chance to go to the toilet
43 Toilets (BBC Choice 2002) - An entire series from BBC Choice all about, um...
42 The Little and Large Show (BBC1 1978-91) - The BBC's answer to Cannon and Ball
41 Cannon and Ball (ITV 1979-88) - ITV's answer to Little and Large
40 Radio Roo (BBC1 1991-93) - A radio station run by a kangaroo, of course!
39 Eldorado (BBC1 1992-93) - Soap opera that was so successful that it ran for an entire year!
38 Castles (BBC1 1995) - Buoyed on by the success of Eldorado, the BBC tried another soap, which was almost as popular, running for several weeks!
37 Albion Market (ITV 1985-86) - The BBC aren't the only ones to come up with successful long-running soap operas!
36 The Paul Daniels Magic Show (BBC1 1979-84) - "And that's magic! Say, 'Yes Paul'!"
34 The RDA with John Gordillo (BBC Choice 2000-01) - Don't tell me you've never heard of it?!
33 The Dog and Dinosaur Show (BBC Choice 1999-2000) - Don't tell me you've never heard of it either?!
32 The Grand Knockout Tournament (BBC1 1987) - The same as It's a Knockout, but with members of the Royal Family. What's not to like?
31 Perry Como Music Hall (BBC 1959-61) - "Magic...moments..."
30 Wizbit (BBC1 1986-88) - Hey, let me tell you about Wizbit, now he comes from the planet of WOW...oh, you know already
29 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps (BBC2/3/Choice 2001-date) - Now the only remaining programme on BBC3
28 Nothing was voted into 28th place
27 Come Back Mrs Noah (BBC1 1977-78) - Croft and Perry's greatest moment, according to that infallible barometer of quality, the DMTV viewership
26 Plaza Patrol (ITV 1991) - Even better than Come Back Mrs Noah, Cannon and Ball played security guards (of course!) in this sitcom
25 Ratman (BBC1 1987) - Roland Rat playing a superhero! Plus Kevin the Gerbil as Pink Bucket Man
24 Triangle (BBC1 1981-83) - More high quality drama from the BBC
23 Pages from Ceefax (BBC1/2 1983-date) - Great music and great information
22 Paul Daniels's Secrets (BBC1 1984) - What could they be?
21 The One Show (BBC1 2006-date) - Officially the worst title for a programme ever? That didn't bother DMTV viewers, yet it just missed out on the Top 20
20 A Demonstration of Carving (BBC 1936) - Mr B J Hulbert's guide on how to carve a turkey for Christmas is still fondly remembered by DMTV viewers
19 Chucklevision (BBC1/CBBC 1987-date) - Chucklevision is number 19 in the Top 100 greatest shows of all time!/It isn't!/It is!/It isn't!/It is!/Is it?!?!?!
18 My Hero (BBC1 2000-06) - DMTV viewers adored this sitcom, especially the baby with an adult's mouth superimposed on it - not at all creepy!
17 The Krankies Elektronik Komik (BBC1 1985-87) - Fan-dabi-dozi!!!
16 Gamerweb (Friendly TV 2003) - Incisive computer game review programme from the home of quality television, Friendly TV
15 Brain Box (Friendly TV 2003) - Interactive quiz game with presenters when they could be bothered to turn up, from the channel that made DMTV look professional
14 Panorama (BBC1 1955-date) - Weekly light-hearted entertainment
13 Noel Edmonds' Lucky Numbers (BBC1 1978-79) - Hard-hitting current affairs analysis
12 Children in Need (BBC1 1980-date) - Top-notch entertainment that helps out kiddies - how can it be anything other than a winner?!
11 Christmas Morning with Noel (BBC1 1984-88) - Originally titled The Noel Edmonds Live Live Christmas Breakfast Show, starring Noel in the Telecom Tower and Mike 'Smitty' Smith in the 'hollycopter' until Noel disowned him
10 The Roger the Dog Show (BBC1 1983) - The all-time greatest children's show, according to that bunch of cretins, the DMTV viewership, starring ventriloquist Roger the Dog and his puppet Ward Allen
9 The Noel Edmonds Saturday Roadshow (BBC1 1988-90) - DMTV viewers' fixation with Tidybeard continues
8 The Weather (Many channels 1954-date) - The weather forecast is brilliant! It tells you what the weather's going to be IN THE FUTURE!!! No wonder DMTV viewers voted for it in their droves!
7 Noel's Christmas Presents (BBC1 1989-99) - The replacement for Christmas Morning with Noel when Noel decided he'd had enough of giving up his Christmas morning every year, so instead he turned to giving special gifts to those less fortunate than himself, which doesn't narrow it down much, of course
6 Opening of the BBC Television Service (BBC 1936) - The first programme ever! By default, not therefore the greatest? No, for some reason DMTV viewers thought there were five better programmes than this succession of speeches by Major the Rt Hon G C Tryon, Mr R C Norman and the Rt Hon Lord Selsdon
5 Noel's House Party (BBC1 1991-99) - Tidybeard strikes again! Best remembered for giving us the spectacle of DLT going apoplectic with rage on receipt of his Gotcha, and inflicting Mr Blobby on the world
4 Quiz Bingo (BBC1 1969) - So apparently, the fourth best programme ever to hit our screens is a sixties teatime game show...
3 Newsroom South East (BBC1 1989-2001) - News round-up for London and the South East
2 The Queen (BBC1/ITV 1955-68, 1970-date) - It would have been nothing short of a national scandal if Her Majesty the Queen had not appeared around the top end of the chart with her annual Christmas message
1 Test Card F (Many channels 1967-date) - The runaway winner! Featuring the most seen person on telly, Carol Hersee, is DMTV viewers' favourite show of all time! But even after more than forty years, we still haven't found out who won the noughts and crosses...
Copyright © Robert Williams 2011