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Robert Williams
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Here is a selection of the best stories from the last decade of The Chronicles of Des and Mick.

The Celebrity Bus

Written in 2000

Des has decided to buy himself a double decker bus - which soon takes on a brand new identity as a bus that only carries celebrities, so that Des can charge them more.

The Birthday Bear

Written in 2000

This is the hilarious tale of when, while Des and Mick are shopping in town, Mike the Manic Mechanic lumbers them with a huge stuffed bear which he intends to give to Mrs Greasy for her birthday. He asks them to drop it round his garage, but that's only the start of their problems...

Des and Mick Celebrate The Golden Jubilee

Written in 2002

The gang want to hold a street party to mark HM The Queen's 50 years on the throne - but how do they get out of having Mrs Greasy cooking the food for it? Des and Mick think they have the perfect plan, but Clive has other ideas.

Des and Mick Go Caravanning

Written in 1999

Classic Des and Mick. Des buys a caravan, and so the obvious thing to do is go on a caravanning holiday in Wales. It seemed like a good idea at the time, if only they had any idea for what to do on a caravanning holiday, and if the caravan was in a fit state to last the journey.

White Christmas

Written in 2003

Des is desperate for a white Christmas, and everyone is desperate to get out of eating Mrs Greasy's Christmas dinner. So Des comes up with a scheme that will fulfil both those requirements.


Written in 2000

Des has just remembered it's the year 2000 - so why hasn't he got his own personal robot yet? To rectify the situation, he commissions Mike to build him his very own household friend - RoboDes!

Des and Mick's All-day Bingo

Written in 2001

No more of Dickie the Vicar's boring charity discos! His two records have worn out, so he's forced into hiring out the church hall to raise money to buy some new ones. Des and Mick win the leasehold - but what made them want to hold all-day bingo there?

The Canal Boat

Written in 1996

In another irrational moment, Des has bought a canal boat. He has it sitting in the garage, but Mick suggests taking onto the water. Not a good idea, considering the poor condition of the boat. Unsurprisingly, no one remains dry throughout the trip.

The Statue

Written in 1996

Aunty Phyllis asks her husband Ralph and Des to clean her priceless statue of Leonardo da Wednesday . They enlist the others to help them, with the result that the statue soon ends up in little pieces all over the garden. Phyllis will be back from shopping soon - and so it falls to Clive to stand in for the statue...

Des Goes Deep Sea Diving But Not That Deep

Written in 2003

Des accidentally drops a rare Donny Osmond single in the River Thames. He's determined to get it back - and will go to whatever lengths needed to retrieve it.


Written in 1999

The explosion of digital multi-channel television prompts Des to launch his own channel. Despite the lack of enthusiasm from the others, Des constructs an entire schedule of highly original and innovative shows for them all to present. Plus you can visit DMTV Online!

Elvis is a Dangerous Man

Written in 1998

A large character in a jumpsuit and shades is featured on 'Crimewatch' after committing the heinous crime of stealing two Mars Bars and a packet of marshmallows from a local sweet shop. The problem the police face is, why do so many people living in the area seem to look like Elvis?

Des and Mick Celebrate St George's Day

Written in 2001

But how did Des know it was St George's Day? Where is he getting a dragon and suit of armour from? Why are they celebrating it a day late? And can they perform their re-enactment of the story without running into PC Plod?

Competition for Mrs Greasy

Written in 1994

Mrs Greasy is distraught - a rival cafe has opened opposite and stolen what custom she ever used to have. Various schemes are tried to win back customers, including a facelift for her cafe, leaflets distributed around the area, cabarets, special offers and raffles. But there's only thing that will work...

The Car Boot Sale

Written in 1997

Des is having a major clearout, but instead of throwing away his worthless old rubbish, he decides to hold a car boot sale instead. The others join in as well, including Ralph who is foolishly trying to sell Aunty Phyllis's priceless painting...

The Petrol Crisis

Written in 2000

Find out how Des and Mick coped with 2000's petrol shortage. The gang drive to the continent to fill up, while Wayne, who's been blockading his front drive, strikes oil in his garden.

Disco Wars

Written in 2003

Mrs Greasy and Dickie find themselves running rival discos, and both are after the hottest DJ in town - who happens to be none other than Des. He soon finds himself embroiled in a bizarre bidding war between the two parties, but then events take an unexpected turn...

Des and Mick Attempt to Run the London Marathon

Written in 1997

Clive, in an attempt to get his own back on Des and the others, has entered them into the London Marathon. However Des's intervention means that this is no ordinary marathon - most of the runners are heading up the M1 and so Des actually wins...

Chocolate Biscuit Man

Written in 1995

Des and the gang are dressing up as superheroes to patrol the local streets, fight crime and put wrong to right, all wearing their underpants over their trousers. Mick tries his best to have nothing to do with them, but then even he requires their assistance...

Clive's Brother Comes to Visit

Written in 1998

Clive's hated brother, Eugene, is visiting the area, and he is everything Clive isn't - kind, complimentary and generous. He's also a highly successful businessman. Clive is obviously fed up being upstaged like this, but this is nothing when he discovers the real reason for his brother 's unusual visit.

The Football Match

Written in 1996

The crew form a football team, called the Tolworth Dipsticks, to enter into a local league. The trouble is, none of them know how to play. The half-time result of their first match is 57-0. There looks like no hope for the Dipsticks in the second half, until Des reveals his secret weapon.

The Millennium Party

Written in 1999

It's December 1999, and the 20th century is almost over. So Des decides it would be a good idea to hold a special party to celebrate, and to build his own dome in which to hold it. But is it actually the end of the millennium yet? Clive thinks otherwise.

Des's Christmas Carol

Written in 1996

Des is feeling particularly Scrooge-like, and is not interested in Christmas this year. But when he falls asleep on the night before Christmas he dreams he is Deseneezer Scrooge - and the dream changes his mind forever about the festive season.