This is an archived version of Des and Mick Online which shows how the website looked in September 2008. Most of the links do not work.
Click here to view the current version of this page. Click here to hide this banner.

A listing of every Des and Mick story ever written, volume-by-volume. Stories are available to read except for those highlighted in grey. As a general rule, the later stories are better than the earlier ones!

E-books: volumes 8 to 28 are available complete as PDF files - to download click on the volume title or cover image.

Vol 1 (1992) Vol 2 (1992) Vol 3 (1992) Vol 4 (1993) Vol 5 (1993) Vol 6 (1993) Vol 7 (1994) Vol 8 (1994) Vol 9 (1995) Vol 10 (1995) Vol 11 (1996)
Vol 12 (1996) Vol 13 (1997) Vol 14 (1998) Vol 15 (1999) Vol 16 (1999) Vol 17 (2000) Vol 18 (2000) Vol 19 (2001) Vol 20 (2002) Vol 21 (2003)
Vol 22 (2003) Vol 23 (2004) Vol 24 (2005) Vol 25 (2006) Vol 26 (2006) Vol 27 (2007) Vol 28 (2008)

Volume 1
February 1992

Around the UK with Des and Mick - the duo attempt to embark on an epic journey
Des and Mick are Bored - a story in which nothing happens
Des and Mick Visit the TV studio - the duo cause havoc at the local television station
Des and Mick Move House - the duo move from Chelmsford to Caterham
Des and Mick FM - the duo start a radio station
Des and Mick and Des's Pet Slug - Des gets himself a new pet
Des Gets Sucked Up By Mick's Hoover - Des has a bizarre experience
Aunty Phyllis Wednesday Comes to Visit - Des's fussy aunt pays a visit
Des and Mick Appear on a Game Show - Des attempts to win a fortune on television

Volume 2
September 1992

A Miscellaneous Des and Mick Story in Which Several Things Happen - Des receives a   mysterious package, then they visit the zoo and go back to school
Des and Mick Go on Holiday - the duo visit Bognor to get away from their neighbours
Des and Mick Visit a Foreign Country - the duo go on a day trip to France
Des and Mick Destroy It Themselves (With Help From Clive) - Des attempts to put a bookcase   up
Des and Mick's Chocolate Biscuit Shop - the duo open a shop, with little success
Des and Mick Attempt to Solve a Crime - the gang try to catch a murderer
Des and Mick's Garden Party - the duo invite the Queen to a garden party
Des Stands for Parliament - Des campaigns to become an MP
Mick's Surprise Birthday Party - Des decides to hold a party for Mick

Volume 3
December 1992

Des and Mick's Fundraising Event - the gang hold a sponsored walk
Des Buys a Computer - Des buys a computer to count his money with
Spooky Goings On with Des and Mick - the gang hold a seance at Mrs Greasy's cafe
Des Makes a Film - Des moves into the movie business with 'There's a Giant Gerbil Loose in   Caterham'
Des Becomes an International Superstar (Well Not Quite) - Des becomes a celebrity
Des and Mick Go to a Cookery Class and then Enjoy a Bad Weather Night -  the duo
  learn to cook

Des Gets Accused of Murder - Des is prime suspect in a murder case
Des and Mick Go Trainspotting and then Look for the Loch Ness Monster -  the gang
  visit Scotland
Christmas with Des and Mick - the gang hold a fancy dress party for Christmas

Volume 4
March 1993

Des Redevelops His Garden - Des gives his garden a makeover
The Village Idiot Comes to Visit Des and Mick - the duo receive a strange visitor
Des Dies - Des passes away - or does he?
Des and Mick in the Snow - the gang assist the community during a cold spell
Desmond Hood and His Merry Men - back to the Middle Ages
Des and Mick Move House Again and then Des Plays a Joke on Mick - the gang move from   Caterham to Tolworth
Des and Mick Get Trapped in the Bank of England - Des and Mick find themselves accidentally   locked in a bank vault
Des Becomes a Magician - the gang put on a magic show
Des and Mick's M25 Race - the gang hold a race round the motorway

Volume 5
June 1993

Farmer Files Holds an Open Day - the gang have a boring time at Farmer Files's Open Day
Des Gets Fit - Mick and Clive decide it's time Des got fit
Des Takes the Television Apart - Des tries to upgrade his television and in doing so
  uncovers an alien invasion plot!
Des Employs a Housekeeper - Mrs Greasy gives herself the job as Des's housekeeper
Mick's Long-Lost Nephew Comes to Visit - Mick's computer game-obsessed nephew visits
Des and Mick Organise the Tolworth Fete - the gang cause havoc at a local fete
Des and the Chocolate Biscuit Competition - Des invents a superb new biscuit recipe
Des and Mick Stand In For Mrs Greasy - the duo look after the cafe while Mrs Greasy's on   holiday
The Des and Mick Roadshow - the gang decide to take their show on the road

Volume 6
October 1993

Des Joins the Police Force - Des becomes a PC in order to get Clive arrested
The Slug Chapter- the gang hold a slug race
Des Teaches Mick to Drive - Mick has a driving lesson on Files's farm
A New Concept in Des and Mick Stories/Des and Mick Attempt to Walk from Land End to   John O'Groats - in this story you, yes you, get to choose what happens next!
The Des and Mick News - the gang set up a newspaper
Des and Mick Investigate Corn Circles - the gang investigate unexplained phenomena in   Wiltshire
Des Becomes a Teacher - Des gets himself a job as a supply teacher at the local school
Des and Mick Go On a Cruise - the duo win a trip on a cruise ship that isn't what it seems
Challenge Des and Mick - the gang are challenged to build a restaurant in two days

Volume 7
June 1994

Des Goes Green - Des becomes environmentally aware
Des and Mick Go to an Auction - Des sells his painting to an auction house and then tries to bid   for it back
Des and Mick Go to the Seaside - the gang get stuck in a massive traffic jam
A Voyage to Who Knows Where - Captain Wednesday and his shipmates set sail on the Merry   Tolworth
Des's Big Role - Des gets himself a bit part on a period drama
Phyllis Moves In - Des's aunt moves into the street
The Search for Mr Greasy - Mrs Greasy goes on a search to find her long-lost husband
A Trip to London - the gang go sightseeing
Phyllis Gets Married - Aunty Phyllis gets married to train enthusiast Ralph

Volume 8 418kb
November 1994

The Train Strike - the gang play a joke on Ralph by inventing a bogus train strike
Des in Hospital - Des falls off his roof while adjusting his aerial
Des and Mick's Charity Disco - the gang hold a disco to raise funds to help fix the church roof
Competition for Mrs Greasy - a rival cafe opens opposite Mrs Greasy
The Haunted House - the gang spend Hallowe'en night in a ghost-infested house
Des is Burgled - when Des's priceless painting is stolen, he decides to make his house more secure
Des and Mick Go Back to Basics - the gang spend a week without electricity
Des and Mick in the Heat - the gang visit the seaside
The Luxury Villa in Portugal - the gang's holiday in Portugal is ruined by Farmer Files's pigs

Volume 9 423kb
May 1995

Baked Beans, the Van and the Metal Detector - Des buys an old van, and finds a metal   detector in the back
Des and Mick Put Tolworth on the Map - the gang make a promotional video for Tolworth
Des and Mick Keep Guard on the Porkers - the duo look after the pigs while Farmer Files
  is away
Des's Supersonic Car - Des tries to break the land speed record in his Fiat 126
Des the Artist - Des tries painting
Des Redecorates - Des causes chaos redecorating his house
The Camping Trip - the gang go on a disastrous camping holiday
The Trans-London Race - the gang hold a madcap race from one side of London
  to the other
Des and Mick at Christmas - the gang inadvertantly give Father Christmas a cold

Volume 10 409kb
November 1995

The Doug Whitehouse Enigma - the gang try to find Doug a job
Des the Poet - Des starts talking constantly in rhyme
Des and Mick Neighbourhood Watch - the gang try to fight a crime wave
The Tolworth Festival - the gang get themselves a float in the procession
Chocolate Biscuit Man - Des becomes a superhero
The Double Birthday Party - two birthday parties are organised for Wayne and Phyllis - on the
  same day
Des's Spending Spree - Des has been left half a million pounds which he must spend in one day
Des's Sleepless Night - Des can't get to sleep
Des and Mick's European Tour - the gang go on a touring holiday

Volume 11 429kb
July 1996

Des and Mick's New Neighbour - an Elvis impersonator moves into the street
Des's Old School Reunion - Des meets up with his old school friends
Des Finally Gets on the Council - Des gets voted onto the council, but soon finds himself  involved   in a plan to demolish his own house
The Fashion Show - the new vicar proves to be the unlikely star of the gang's fashion show
Des and the Talking Teddy Bears - Des is mistakenly delivered 200 broken talking bears
The Football Match - the gang hold a football match - and Des has a secret weapon
Des Is Ill - Des catches the flu
The Bizarre Bet - Des invents a scheme involving Elvis, a UFO and the Loch Ness  monster
Des's Christmas Carol - Des dreams that he is Deseneezer Scrooge

Volume 12 438kb
December 1996

A Celebration - for the 100th story, Des and Mick remember their favourite moments so far
Lord Wednesday of Doddington - Des discovers he has inherited a title and a mansion
Des Gets Funky - Des tries to get more 'with it'
The Statue - the gang clean Phyllis's precious statue
There's a Moose Loose Aboot the Hoose! - Des is terrified by a mouse that has infiltrated his   house
The Canal Boat - the gang take to a canal in Des's latest purchase
Des Goes on a Diet - Mick and Clive decide Des isn't eating healthily enough
Des Is Abducted By Aliens - the gang use a flying Mini Clubman to rescue Des from a UFO
Des and Mick's Panto - the gang celebrate Christmas by putting on their own pantomime

Volume 13 432kb
June 1997

The Chronicles of Dickie and Mike - Dickie and Mike usurp Des and Mick from their own  stories!
Des Receives a Valentines Card - Des investigates who sent him a Valentines card
Des and Mick at Easter - the gang set up an Easter Egg hunt for the local kids
Wayne and Mike's Pop Group - Des tries to join Wayne and Mike's noisy band
Des Sings for Eurovision - Des is chosen to represent the UK at Eurovision
Des and Mick Go Banger Racing - Mike sets up a banger racing circuit at Files's farm
The Farmer Files - aliens land on Files's farm while he is making a film
The Car Boot Sale - the gang hold a car boot sale so Des can sell his painting
Des and Mick Attempt to Run the London Marathon - Clive enters the others into the
  London marathon

Volume 14 463kb
June 1998

Goodbye to Ralph - Phyllis throws her husband Ralph out
Des Moves into the Nineties - Des modernises his house with the latest technology
Des and Mick Go Ballooning - Des and Mick borrow no ordinary hot air balloon
Elvis is a Dangerous Man - Dave Presley is arrested
Clive's Brother Comes to Visit - Clive's more successful brother arrives in the area
Des and Mick Babysit - the gang have to babysit Phyllis's great grand-nephew
Des and Mick's Holiday at Home - Des simulates a foreign holiday in his house
Files Builds an Extension - the gang are unhappy about building an extension to Files's pigsty
Des and Mick's Seventies Revival - the gang put on a show dedicated to their favourite 70s

Volume 15 527kb
February 1999

Des and Mick's Countryside Tours - Des tries to encourage people to visit the countryside
Wayne and Clive Join the Club - Clive is finally allowed to join the golf club
Des and Mick Go Birdwatching - the gang go in search of a rare bird
Des and Mick Go Caravanning - the gang have an eventful holiday in Des's decrepit caravan
Des Sees the Future - Des is having premonitions of the future and the gang cash in on this
The Docu-soap - the gang film a documentary about their lives
The Chocolate Biscuit Famine - Des goes in search of chocolate biscuits
Des and Mick Go Skiing - the gang visit a ski resort in France
There Really Is a Giant Gerbil on the Loose! - the gang have to avert a national disaster

Volume 16 531kb
November 1999

The Total Eclipse - the gang travel to Cornwall to witness the total eclipse of the sun
Des's Comet - Des discovers a new comet
Men on Mars - Des and Mick aim to be the first men on Mars
DMTV - the gang start a television channel
The Comedians - Des and Mick can't stop telling jokes
Des and Mick Go Bell Ringing - the gang try campanology
Des and Mick Go Down Under - the gang visit Australia
Des Turns 50 - Des asks everyone to ignore his birthday - so they do
The Millennium Party - the gang celebrate the start of the new millennium - or is it?

Volume 17 681kb
April 2000

Des and Mick 2000 - the gang visit the Millennium Dome and London Eye
The Des Wednesday Fan Club - two lunatics have started up a fan club for Des
Des and Mick Lose the Baby - the duo lose Phyllis's great grand-nephew on a shopping trip
The Laughing Pig - Farmer Files takes over the local pub
The Celebrity Bus - Des starts a bus service that will only accept celebrities
RoboDes - Des gets himself a robot to do the household chores, but it quickly rebels
Mrs Greasy's Parrot - Mrs Greasy's new pet causes plenty of trouble
Wayne is Cloned - chaos ensues when Wayne becomes the world's first human clone
The Des and Mick Years - episodes from Des and Mick's life

Volume 18 682kb
December 2000

The Bodyguard - Des employs a bodyguard when he feels under threat from Wayne's clone
The Birthday Bear - Mike buys Mrs Greasy a stuffed bear for her birthday
Des and Mick's Summer Holiday - the gang stay at a holiday camp run by Files
The Petrol Crisis - the gang cope with a petrol shortage
Mrs Greasy - the Best Cook in Britain?! - Mrs Greasy is set to win a national cookery 
Des and Mick Meet the Teletubbies - the gang inadvertantly stumble upon Teletubbyland
Des and Mick Become Lighthouse Keepers - the duo run Uncle Barnacle's lighthouse for a   weekend
The Vintage Car Run - the gang enter the London to Brighton Veteran Car Run in a settee on
Christmas at Des's House - Mrs Greasy and Dickie the Vicar conspire to ruin the gang's Christmas

Volume 19 681kb
December 2001

Des Wishes It Could Be Christmas Every Day - Des decides to celebrate Christmas every day of   the year
PIGWorld - the gang visit Farmer Files's new theme park
Mrs Greasy's Lodger - Part 1 - Dave Presley and his brother Don take lodgings at the cafe
Mrs Greasy's Lodger - Part 2 - some bloke called Lionel takes lodgings
The Singing Vicar - Dickie the Vicar records a pop single
Des and Mick Celebrate St George's Day - the gang re-enact the St George and the Dragon   story
Des and Mick's All-day Bingo - the duo take over the church hall to hold some bingo sessions
Passport to Des's House - Des declares his house to be an independent state
Des and Mick Go on Holiday Again - the gang are initially impressed by the holiday home Des
  has chosen

Volume 20 742kb
October 2002

Des and Mick Celebrate The Golden Jubilee - the gang hold a street party
Des's Family Tree - Des discovers about some of his fascinating descendants
Des - The Fastest Milkman in the West - Des buys himself a milk float, and tries to make it go
Des and Mick Become Lollipop Ladies - the duo get embroiled in Mrs Greasy's latest bizarre   scheme
The Panda That Wouldn't Go Away - Des wins a panda bear in a raffle that he doesn't want
The Fancy Dress Party - the cops and robbers theme spells trouble for the gang
Mrs Greasy Takes Up Hypnotism - Mrs Greasy tries hypnotising her customers
Des and Mick Sell Hot Cakes - Des, Mick and Wayne set up a market stall
The End of the World - the world is about to suffer a catastrophic asteroid hit

Volume 21 722kb
March 2003

Where's Des's Car? - Des goes on a quest to find his car that he inadvertantly sold
Des Goes Deep Sea Diving But Not That Deep - Des goes diving in the River Thames to rescue
  a rare record
PIGrail - the gang travel on Farmer Files's new train service
Mike and Wayne's Antique Emporium - Mike and Wayne embark on a new venture
Disco Wars - Mrs Greasy begins running discos in competition with Dickie
Tony Blackburn's Jumper Emporium - Des opens a shop to rid himself of some jumpers he   doesn't want
White Christmas - Des has a plan to guarantee a white Christmas
Under Threat - Mrs Greasy's cafe faces demolition
Des and Clive - The Movie - an American director arrives to make a film about the gang's life

Volume 22 759kb
September 2003

PIGsoft - Farmer Files sells Des a computer
Des and Mick Become Funeral Directors - Des buys himself a hearse
Mrs Greasy's Stand-In - Mrs Greasy's strict sister comes to run the cafe
Des and Mick's School Bus - the duo help to battle rush hour congestion
Des and Mick Celebrate Shrove Tuesday - the gang hold a pancake tossing competition
Mrs Greasy Makes an Advert - Des and Mick are commissioned to promote Mrs Greasy's
Weather Monkey - Mrs Greasy's pet monkey is revealed to be a weather forecast addict
Des and Mick's Anti-Golf Campaign - the duo launch a campaign to teach young people
  about the evils of golf
The End of the Pier Story - Des buys himself a pier in the middle of a field

Volume 23 693kb
July 2004

Des Becomes a Car Salesman - Des stands in for Mike the Manic Mechanic
FrankenDes's Monsters - Des comes up with some monstrous creations
Des is Honoured - the gang are bewildered when Des is awarded an OBE
Mrs Greasy's Gym - Mrs Greasy opens a public gym in her spare bedroom
Des Buys a New Shed - Mike helps Des to get his new shed home from the garden centre
Wayne and Mike's Old Record Emporium - Mike and Wayne embark on another money making   venture
Des's Visitor - Des receives a visit from someone who claims he met him once on holiday
  in 1977
Des's Ice Cream Van - Des gets himself an ice cream van on the hottest day of  the year
Des and Mick's Aqua-Cars - a race is held to find out who has the best car that turns into a boat

Volume 24 676kb
June 2005

Des and Mick 24 - the gang decide to stay awake 24 hours a day for charity
Des's Agent - Des gets himself an agent who only seems to get him rubbish jobs
Friday 13th - Des has a very unlucky day
Disco Avoidance - Des tries getting a job in order to avoid Dickie's discos
The Circus - Des takes over Farmer Files's ailing circus
Des and Mick Become Removal Men - the duo help Dickie the Vicar move to Carlisle
Pig Aid - the gang record a charity single to help out Farmer Files
Des Plays Santa - Des finds himself playing Father Christmas at the local shopping centre
Des Buys the Millennium Dome - Des moves out of his house and into the vacant dome

Volume 25 674kb
February 2006

The Mouse and Trousers - Des and Mick start their own pub
Greasy TV - Mrs Greasy launches a shopping channel, and Des is its only presenter
Des and Mick Fix the Church Roof - the duo have the ultimate plan to bring an end to Dickie's
  boring fundraising  discos
Helicopter Hilarity - Mike steals Noel Edmonds's helicopter and sells it to Des
Dustman Des and the Lost Womble - Des gets a job while looking after a lost Womble
Des and Mick Meet Sean Connery - Des tries to muscle his way onto Sean's tourist information   video
Piggy Heights - Farmer Files turns his farmhouse into a hotel
Takeover! - Mike and Mrs Greasy are both experiencing a financial crisis
It's Christmas Again - there's a turkey shortage thanks to Mrs Greasy's bad cooking

Volume 26 808kb
November 2006

Pirate TV - Mike cons Des into running his pirate television channel for him from a ship in the   North Sea
Mrs Greasy Goes Alfresco - Mrs G creates a rooftop patio on her cafe
PI6 - Farmer Files gets Des and Mick involved with espionage
Des Becomes a Careers Officer - Des gets himself an unlikely job
Des and Mick Go Kicking Crazy - the duo try to bring a halt to the boring International Mug   kicking tournament
The Tolworth International Air Guitar Championships - Mike's air guitar contest gets Dickie the   Vicar the sack!
Des and Mick Go Game Show Crazy - the duo get mixed up with the others' game shows
The Medford Maniac - Mike builds himself his own car and uses it to travel back in time
Des and Mick Get Snowed in for Christmas - Des and Mick get trapped in Mrs Greasy's cafe!

Volume 27 810kb
June 2007

Eldorado - a cash-strapped Wayne reforms his early nineties boy band
Meals on Wheels - Mrs Greasy decides to take her cafe to the people - literally!
Big Farmer - Farmer Files launches his own reality game show
Whatever Happened to Clive? - Mick starts up a charity to help out Clive
Des and Mick Meet Jamie Oliver - the cheerful cockney celebrity chef is in town
Des's Legacy - Des decides he wants to be remembered for something after he's gone
Des and Mick's Anti-Jazz Campaign - Dickie the Vicar becomes a fan of jazz music
Snarkbucket - a new arrival threatens to put the others out of business
Des and Mick Go Cross-Country Running - only Des and Mick could go cross-country running
  through the middle of central London

Volume 28 792kb
March 2008

Satnav Shenanigans - Des takes a test drive in a new car equipped with the latest technology
The Last of the McGreasys - Mrs Greasy's Scottish cousin comes to stay
The Fiat 126 Owners' Club - Des becomes the new secretary of the club
Mike the Manic Estate Agent - Mike stops being a mechanic and starts selling houses instead
Des Has a Hair-Raising Experience - Des opens his own barber shop
Des and Mick at Hallowe'en - Des has just half an hour to organise a Hallowe'en party
Des and Mick on Bonfire Night - Des takes action against the sale of fireworks to underage kids
Des Goes on Jury Service - Des's holiday plans are ruined when he has to go on jury service
We Wish You a Greasy Christmas - Des has a plan to stop Mrs Greasy ruining Christmas

   Random story - Des and Mick's Aqua-Cars