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Des and Mick Online > The Chronicles of Des and Mick

by Robert Williams

Above, left to right: Des, Mrs Greasy, Wayne, Clive, Mick

Welcome to the bizarre world of Des and Mick!


Des and Mick, that's them up there, with their friends. They are the stars of some mildly amusing stories I write now and again.

This website will introduce you to the world of Des and Mick. It includes profiles of all the characters, complete with colour pictures, and a chance to read stories from the ever-growing Des and Mick archive. The tone is decidedly comedic, not to be taken too seriously, and has even been known to veer towards self-parody. I can guarantee you will never have read anything like this before!!

About Des and Mick

The Chronicles of Des and Mick is very much character-driven, with totally ridiculous and unrealistic plotlines about a bunch of people with too much time on their hands.

Examples of Des and Mick stories: Des and Mick Go Caravanning, The Birthday Bear, Pirate TV, Elvis is a Dangerous Man, Des - the Fastest Milkman in the West, Disco Wars, White Christmas, Des and Mick's All-day Bingo, The Panda That Wouldn't Go Away, Friday 13th, Des and the Talking Teddy Bears, Piggy Heights, Des and Mick Sell Hot Cakes, Des and Mick 24,Des Plays Santa, The Mouse and Trousers, Men on Mars, DMTV and over 200 others.

Des Wednesday and Mick Woolley are next-door neighbours who live in an ordinary suburban street in Tolworth, Surrey, UK. Mick would probably be living a nice quiet ordinary life if it wasn't for having Des, the lunatic, living next door to him. Des has a nasty habit of coming up with ridiculous ideas, which, however hard he tries, Mick always manages to get mixed up in.

But then it gets worse. Just across the road lives Wayne Coach the window cleaner, who has a mental age of about four. His main purpose is to make Des look clever.

On the other hand, making Des look extremely stupid is his other next-door neighbour, the smarmy Clive Kippers. The BMW-driving Clive is always ready to slip in a snide comment, and usually manages to be right when Des is wrong. They are sworn enemies.

Just down the road, on the corner, is Mrs Greasy's cafe. Mrs G is known across the area as the worst cook in the world, yet she still can't understand why no one ever comes to her cafe, except for the regular gang who hold their regular meetings there while trying to avoid eating the revolting rubbish she serves them (except Wayne who loves it).

The other regular characters are the slightly dodgy Mike the Manic Mechanic who runs the local garage, and is always keen to sell the others one of the tasty fast Fords he has on his forecourt; Dickie the Vicar, the somewhat loopy reverend who is permanently holding charity discos to fix the church roof; and Farmer Files, the local pig farmer turned entrepreneur.

Characters who appeared for several years in the The Chronicles of Des and Mick but do so no longer include the Elvis-impersonator Dave Presley, and Des's busybody Aunty Phyllis, while making more occasional visits are the defective detectives Sherlock Bones and Doctor Whoson.

The Origins of Des and Mick

Des and Mick were created in September 1991, purely for one piece of English creative writing at school. In that story, simply titled Des and Mick, Mick finds himself sacked from his office job, so he Des embark on an epic journey around Britain, but don't actually get very far. I later chose it to be included as part of my GCSE coursework!

But then I realised that there was plenty more scope in the characters I had created, so I decided to continue writing stories for fun. That original story, along with eight further stories, formed the first volume of The Chronicles of Des and Mick early in 1992. Before long the original duo were joined by more characters, and the 'gang' element became firmly established. Since then I have written between one and three new volumes each year. Over time the stories have become longer (the average story length doubling from 1500 to 3000 words), and hopefully better, with more involved storylines.

In January 2000, Des and Mick entered the world of cyberspace, with the launch of this very website, where you can now read almost every story ever written. At the top and bottom right hand corners of this, and every, page are the menu options where you can navigate round the various sections. There's also DMTV Online where you can find out about the gang's own television channel.

If you like what you read - or you think you can do better (not too difficult!) - then you are now invited to make your own contribution - see the bottom of the stories page for details. Alternatively you can post your comments on the site in the guestbook.

The Chronicles of Des and Mick has now been going for over 17 years, 28 volumes and over 250 individual stories. Remember, old jokes never die - there'll always be a home for them in Des and Mick!

Des and Mick on MySpace!

Des and Mick have jumped on the MySpace bandwagon, and each of the regular characters has their own page on the site. Click here or on the image to visit our generic The Chronicles of Des and Mick MySpace page (right) from where you can access each character's own page.

About me and this site

Des and Mick Online launched at 6.00pm on 30th January 2000, and is written and presented by Robert Williams.

    Random story - Des and Mick's All-Day Bingo