Farmer Files


Oooooh arrrrr!!! Farmer Files 'ere with some exoictin' news! For the very foirst time, Piggy Manor is open to the general public! Visit our shoiny new websoite to find out more!

3 February 2019 12.15pm

Des Wednesday
Take it from me, don't go and visit Piggy Manor, the whole thing's a con! Read what happened when we went there:
Wayne Coach
i thort it was grate, i loved getting dressed up in armer


Oooooh arrrrr!!! This be Big Farmer!! (Real name: Farmer Files). This be an appeal to any television companies that 'appen to be readin' this!! Oi 'ave been devising' this excoiting new reality television format that oi just know you all be clamberin' for!

It be called 'Big Farmer' in which thir'een commoners be ensconced in the Big Farmer 'ouse in moi farmyard!! Each week one of the commoners be voted off by the viewing public, in the process makin' a pigsty-load of money for both you and oi!!

So TV executives, if you be wantin' to be takin' on this dazzlingly original new venture, please be callin' me roight now! Don't be delayin', because it obviously won't be long before some shrewd bigwig picks me up on this excitin' offer!!!

3 July 2007 10.04am

Des Wednesday
Well in the end he did get someone to take him up on his offer - ITV! The problem was that they had to drop it after just one day after Channel 4 threatened to sue them for plagiarism (for some reason)! Anyway, that was fine by me, because it meant we were all allowed to go home!

Ooooh arrrr!!!

Oooooh arrrrr!!! Moi name be Farmer Files, and you be welcome to moi brand new pig-blog!!!

Oi expect you already 'ave 'eard of me, because as well as bein' South London's number one pig farmer oi also used to be the CEO of the mul'i-national PIG organoisation, which used to be dealin' in 'oliday camps, breweries, theme parks, radio stations, fashion, compu'er software, train opera'ng companies etc etc. People used to be callin' me the next Dickie Branson...and moi beard be much noicer than 'is! But all be goin' wrong...

Oooooh arrrrr!!! So oi 'ad to turn to new ways to be makin' ends meet! You see, us farmers be 'avin' a hard time of things recently, what wi' the Common Agricul'ural Policy and all tha'! Oi be openin' a circus in moi farm, a 'otel and a universi'y! Oi also be runnin' moi own intelligence organisa'ion, PI6! If you be wan'in to be foindin' out more about moi loife, why not 'ave a look at this 'ere websoite. It be very good they be tellin' me...

25 April 2007 9.56am

Des Wednesday
Blimey, that was almost as dull as one of Dickie the Vicar's discos!
Clive Kippers
Is he really 75??????????
Farmer Files
Oooooh arrrrr!!! Of course not, that be moi showbiz age!!!
Des Wednesday
Good grief!
About me

Oooooh arrrrrr!!! Moi name be Farmer Foiles, and oi be deloighted to be welcomin' you to moi blog!! Oi originally be comin' from Darzet but oi now be South London's number one pig farmer, although oi have been dabblin' in many other spheres of expertise, such as runnin' moi own 'otel, runnin' moi own intelligence organoisation and even runnin' moi own universi'y!! Oi also used to be the 'ead of the internationally successful PIG organisation, until it stopped bein' internationally successful!!

Wayne Coach
allo filesy its yer old mate wayne here
Mike the Manic Mechanic
Oooooh arrrrr!!!