by Robert Williams

It was a cold, snowy day, with temperatures soaring in the minus twenties, and Des resurrecting the Hypothermia Hotline, for no reason in particular.

The next day was hot, boiling, with temperatures dipping into the thirties, and Des setting up his, Dehydration...

"What shall I call my new essential service?" asked Des.

"A waste of time," remarked Mick.

"No, no, a dehydration...deadline!" exclaimed Des. "Because lots of people will be dying in this extreme heat!"

Des immediately put his dehydration deadline into service.

"Now what I want you to do," said Des, "is to run round to people's houses when they ring in..."

"Here we go again," sighed Mick, thinking back to the time when Des sent him round to people's houses with blankets and dufflecoats.

"...and give them a jug of cold water to stop them dehydrating."

It was not long before Des received his first call. Mick expected it to be Mrs Greasy, but it was not.

"Allo!! It's yer ol' mate Wayne 'ere!!"

"Why can't I get decent respectable people phoning my essential services?" moaned Des. "What do you want, Wayne?"

"Some water, of course! I'm mega-dehydratin' down 'ere!"

Des sent Mick round with the jug of cold water. When Mick arrived, however, he saw Wayne sitting there sipping a cool cup of cocoa.

"Well what did you want this water for then?" moaned Mick. "I've gone right out of my way to deliver this to you!"

"I've just got a corner of Clive Kippers's kitchen window left to clean..." replied Wayne.

Copyright © Robert Williams 1993

A longer version of this story,
Des and Mick in the Heat was later written for Volume 8.

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