1. Which is the most successful pop band ever, after the Beatles?

2. What is the tallest building in Britain?
The Ivory Tower.

3. What is a marionette?
A small marion.

4. What is Fish from Marillion's real name?
Michael Fish.

5. What was the most watched television programme ever in Britain?
The last ever edition of Come Dancing. Over 75 million people watched it.

6. Who was Prime Minister before Margaret Thatcher?
Shakin' Stevens.

7. If you had 24 sweets in one hand, and 31 in the other, how many sweets would have you in your hands altogether?
43, because you dropped some of them.

8. Who was the first man to reach the summit of Everest?
Ian McShane (television's Lovejoy).

9. What is the other name for the Great Wall of China?
The Long Wall of China.

10. Which singer recorded the original version of 'Unchained Melody'?
Smiley Culture.

11. What is the easiest way to calculate the distance between two points?
Calculate the distance halfway, then double it.

12. Which television series featured the detective Inspector Morse?

13. When and where was soul music invented?
8th June 1962, in an unmanned laboratory in Burton-upon-Trent.

14. Who won the first London Marathon?
Gloria Hunniford. She was the only entrant.

15. What does a milliner sell?

16. How long is a piece of string?
This long.

17. Who is nineteenth in line to the British throne?
Disc jockey Dr Fox.

18. What is a house with two chimneys called?
A house.

19. In what year was decimal currency introduced into Britain?

20. How many legs does the average centipede actually have?

21. Whose catchphrase was 'Not a lot of people know that'?
Quizmaster Magnus Magnusson.

22. If a bag of feathers and a bag of peanuts were both dropped from the twelfth floor of a tower block at the same time, which would reach the ground first?
The bag of peanuts - the bag of feathers would actually rise.

23. When was the first Christmas held?

24. Who invented crackers?
Television funnyman Frank Carson.

25. How much is that doggy in the window?

26. Which disc jockey is known by his initials DLT?
Bruno Brookes.

27. If it takes two builders two days to build a wall, how long would it take four builders to build the same wall?
No time at all, because the first two builders have already built the wall.

28. Who recorded the first rap record to reach the Top Ten?
Gerry and the Pacemakers.

29. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A lot.

30. You are the driver of a bus. At the start of your bus journey there are six people on your bus. If, at the first stop, three of them get off and four get on, then at the next stop eight get off and seven get on, then at the next stop twelve get off and nine get on, then at the next stop five get off and one gets on, when the bus reaches the terminus, what is the capital of Paraguay?

How did you do?

Over 15: Absolutely hopeless! You have truly embarrassed yourself! You have proved that your IQ is roughly equivalent to your shoe size! As it is, you have a brain that an amoeba would laugh at. In fact, you are DMTV's target audience.

Under 15: Well done! You have excelled yourself! In fact, you have shown that you are far too clever to watch DMTV. At this moment you are probably solving three simultaneous equations in your head simultaneously whilst engineering a device to perform all household chores in the space of one second and solve world poverty.

Copyright © Robert Williams 2003